Posted 5/8/2014 7:56 PM (GMT -7)
Greetings and Salutations everyone...
I've been a lurker here for a few weeks and trying to get things done myself but I guess i've come to the end of self help and have turned to getting support for help... I do have doc appt but it's not until June, but just need some help or advice and see what's out there..
Well I'm having some depression from two different sources, one of them is situational of being unemployed for about a year now.. Not because I don't want one, just that for what ever I cant seem to get hired.. In the last 2 months i've been on about 40 interviews.. All them seem to have went well except one but found out that it wasn't something that I was qualified for so it didn't really bother me to much when I didn't get one.. But all the others went really really well but no dice.. I even have had a few of the staffing agency people sit in a few of them.. and after talking to them afterward they said i did really well and I should be getting something pretty quick..
Well here it is almost a year later and i'm still looking.. the real reason this part is starting to get to me is that im about to possibly lose my living arrangements and unable to really provide for my kids that live with me... I've even started putting in apps at fast food and other really less than desirable places just so that I can get something coming in.. even though I know even if i get one of those ill be paying about half or more in child support to my second ex wife for my other kids.. I have no problems doing so but it does get hard when your already so far behind..
Now for the second reason that im getting depressed is I have ED (erectile dysfunction).. And I've had this for about the last 8-10 years.. My libido is good, as in i still have the same desire to have intimate relations but my body just wont do it.. When it first started my girlfriend at the time would make comments about when we get home i'm gonna jump his bones or other comments similar to those.. And all I could think of is great is he gonna work tonight or not.. While that wasn't the reason we broke up, it definitely contributed to it on my end..
about 8- 10 months after that I met a lovely lady and started dating and for the first month or so everything was pretty good but was still having the issues, eventually I broke down and told her what and why some things might have seemed off with our intimate times, she said that she understood and would work with me on it.. I quit smoking, started exercising and eating right and trying to change in hopes that it would get better.. Well, it didnt, we ended up doing more talking about it and her always asking how can I help?
Finally, I went to the doctor and explained everything, so he gave me a prescription (cyalis and viagra), neither one of them worked, Viagra worked the first time I took it. For the first time I had a erection that would make anyone happy, unfortunately it was only that one time. Even though she knew about it and wanted to help me with it, she still was still wanting sex so often that it really started messing with me, she said she wanted to help, but her actions were saying come on dude just buck up and do it.. Sorry just isnt gonna happen.. And while the relationship didnt end up working, I was still left with an unhappy feeling knowing that it seems whatever I want to do I couldn't satisfy her and now it seems like I wont be able to satisfy anyone. Which is a very powerful demotivational tool to myself.. So I haven't even tried to go out and date because I wont be able to satisfy.. I know not everything is about sex, but at some point in time it needs to happen.. Im just afraid that it wont so why put myself into that position??
So here I sit, a 39 yo guy, unable to provide for my family or find someone to share my life with.. While I know that the first one should be straighten itself out in time, when I get a job. Its the second one that's really causing trouble, already being an introvert its hard to just go out and meet someone and then add in the inability to get even the beginnings of an erection and being able to perform is just making things so much worse..
If anyone has any advice or suggestions would love to hear them..
Just wanted to say in advance, thank you for your support,