Posted 5/11/2014 4:24 PM (GMT -6)
i just wanted to say thank you to those who were so kind and thoughtful and helped me get thru the past week or two. wasn't sure i'd make it. but you let me be open and honest and listened and encouraged me to make it better. i am certainly not out of the woods yet, but i am certainly heading in the right direction.
i think that for me, there were several things that have helped. hopefully i will be able to put these things in a "crisis plan" that i'm gonna make up with my case worker. one of those things was to sort of shut down my brain, it's like i got to a point where i felt the light at the end of the tunnel just wasn't there, and i needed to push away all the thoughts in my head for a while, and find ways to distract (totally non judgmentally) just to survive. another thing was to continue to "talk" to people, even if only on the computer. being able to voice my feelings helped, and even more, hearing other people talk to me was helpful. i felt i was being heard and was reminded that i wasn't alone and that people cared. the encouragement to do little things helped too. like taking a shower, calling my doctor, or opening my blinds a little bit.
i guess i may have annoyed some people or been a pain in the butt, i certainly hope not, but if i did, i'm sorry. i know that writing everything that i did this past week really made me think....a lot! i learned a lot of things about myself and what's going on inside of me (sometimes you think you know what's wrong, but there's a lot more to it than you originally knew). instead of just thinking "i'm depressed" "i'm worthless" etc., i was thinking about why. i am now aware of some things that i need to work on, whether in therapy or with friends, or on my own.
because of help and support i got from the people on the forum, as well as putting in the effort to make things better, i am able to spend today with my mom. to make the day about her, not about me and my depression. yeah, i have quite a ways to go, but i'm doing better. i hope that as i continue to get better, i will be able to give back and help other people going thru depression.
again, thanks so much to everyone who has helped me survive these last few weeks. i really don't know what might have happened without you!