Hi...I've never done anything like this before but it seems that just getting these feelings out in front of an objective audience would help me with my current bout with depression. I am 28 and living in NYC.
In general I do not consider myself a depressed person. When I am in a comfortable relationship or living situation, well I feel very strong, confident and attractive. Even in social situations I tend to feel this way. However, without fail during major moves or transitions I completely loose my ability to deal.
I recently moved from rural Maine to Brooklyn, New York to begin a second round of Grad School for Hudson River Ecology. I am a native of the Hudson Valley Area and it is my dream to work toward/for the remediation of this dynamic ecosystem. Despite this dream I have become overwhelmed by the entire new move.
I have become hugely dependent on my friends and family to the point where I can't look at myself in the mirror. I have no desire to go out and explore New YOrk because I feel SOOOO Uncool and Unhip. I am a hippy type yet I feel that I don't measure up to the COOLNESS of this area and to top it all off the girl I recently began dating has moved to Mexico City for an indefinate amount of time. THis occurance has also caused much heartache for me. While she has been supportive of me in many ways, we both have agreed that leaning too much on each other with such a distance between us will ultimately cause greater heartache. While we both try and believe in the who knows what will happen mantra. I feel that she will find a new suitor in her home country and never return to this area. I dwell much on this and as I look around in NYC I do not feel that their are people that I can relate to.
I feel helpless and cry during many parts of the day. I hate it because this is not the type of person I am. I just feel overwhelmed and do not want to do anything but talk about my depression and hopelessness and sleep...and call my former girlfriend and talk about my feelings about her.
OK, well I guess I should let this one fly and see your replys...
much love in advance