depressed in transition

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/21/2005 10:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi...I've never done anything like this before but it seems that just getting these feelings out in front of an objective audience would help me with my current bout with depression. I am 28 and living in NYC.
   In general I do not consider myself a depressed person. When I am in a comfortable relationship or living situation, well I feel very strong, confident and attractive. Even in social situations I tend to feel this way. However, without fail during major moves or transitions I completely loose my ability to deal.
   I recently moved from rural Maine to Brooklyn, New York to begin a second round of Grad School for Hudson River Ecology. I am a native of the Hudson Valley Area and it is my dream to work toward/for the remediation of this dynamic ecosystem. Despite this dream I have become overwhelmed by the entire new move. 
   I have become hugely dependent on my friends and family to the point where I can't look at myself in the mirror. I have no desire to go out and explore New YOrk because I feel SOOOO Uncool and Unhip. I am a hippy type yet I feel that I don't measure up to the COOLNESS of this area and to top it all off the girl I recently began dating has moved to Mexico City for an indefinate amount of time. THis occurance has also caused much heartache for me. While she has been supportive of me in many ways, we both have agreed that leaning too much on each other with such a distance between us will ultimately cause greater heartache. While we both try and believe in the who knows what will happen mantra. I feel that she will find a new suitor in her home country and never return to this area. I dwell much on this and as I look around in NYC I do not feel that their are people that I can relate to.
I feel helpless and cry during many parts of the day. I hate it because this is not the type of person I am. I just feel overwhelmed and do not want to do anything but talk about my depression and hopelessness and sleep...and call my former girlfriend and talk about my feelings about her.
OK, well I guess I should let this one fly and see your replys...
much love in advance

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 8/21/2005 2:03 PM (GMT -6)   
:-)  Welcome to depression site and I am sorry that you are having these unsettling feelings. A drastic move is a very traumatic thing in it's own, along with everything else you are dealing with. Leaving our surroundings is like Linus giving up his blanket. It's had to part with it. I can relate, as I have moved from Jacksonville Florida almost 4 years ago after living there for over 32 years. The move was for a better job for my husband and better medical care for me. I have an illness that can't be cured but I stopped allowing to control my life. It took me a very long time to deal with that and when I did, I finally realized that it was controlling me. Now there is something wrong with that picture. I live in Vermont in the mountains far from civilization. I have no car because I have seizures. There are very few people where I live as they mostly farm and have acres and acres between ranches. I am basically home 24-7-365 and at first I thought I would go nuts. Than the seizures started and I figured out that the Lord was trying to tell me that was the reason I couldn't go from here to there on my own. I rely on my husband who is a good and very attentive man. As for your "Hippy" ways, that is no reason for you to feel strange. We are all strangs. When I do get out, I look at these people and believe me, they look strange as I must to them. They are very, "layed back" and kinda country. I, on the other hand, wear makeup, nice clothes and fix myself up when I get out. Now to them, I am strange. When I first went to the salon to get my hair done the stylist asked me, "You're not from here, are you"? I asked her why she asked and she said I was to "uptown" for this area. I laughed! I have addapted fine.
I think the thing you need to try to do is make yourself fit in. The longer you isolate yourself, the harder it will be to get out and socalize with others. People shouldn't be judged by the way they look or dress or whatever. Unfortunately, we live in a society where that's not the case. We have to rise above it and beat the odds. You came to this site and that is a good first step. Read the posts and post as much as you want. All the members are very helpful and need love as much as we give. I'm glad you're here and hope you can find some solice in this group.
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 8/22/2005 12:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to the forum Simon!!

I think most of us like to 'blend in' until we feel confident in our surroundings. That might be what you are feeling with your new move. Doesn't sound uncommon.

But missing your girl because of the huge distance might be a more difficult problem. I hope you are able to communicate via IM or Email.

Sorry I don't know what to suggest except that I feel for you.

In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel (Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D,)

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/23/2005 1:03 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm with you Simon.

I've been there and I know how bad you hurt, and right now you're probably getting all the same old cliche's:

"There are plenty of fish in the sea"
or "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"
or "You'll be better off"

When will people learn that comments like that just don't help.

Remember, love is a vast entity, and it can be shared with as many people as you choose, and you will have different depths of love for each of these individuals. She's the one that knows you, the one that understands you, the one you can connect with.....right? It is not easy to open your heart to someone, and once you do you want to keep that person in there forever, and you still can just in a different capacity than before. It seems that the split was amicable, she may be having some of the same feelings, you must support eachother. Also, lean on others- they won't mind as much as you think.

Trust me, you will be in love again, and it will be deeper, and more beutiful than you could have ever imagined- I am living proof.

There is no Fast Forward button for life, and the best way to deal with adversity is to meet it head on. You will learn to deal, you will learn to cope, and you'll see that as the days, weeks, and months pass you'll see that hurt becomes less and less. Ultimately the hurt and pain will be replaced with admiration and appreciation. Yes, down the road you'll actually appreciate this situation for making you stronger, and for giving a point of reference regarding the direction in which you want future relationships to go. But for now you deal. It's not easy, but you're not alone. Talk it out.

I too have made some significant moves in the past six months leaving behind family, friends, and my career to move from Northeastern PA to Wilmington, Delaware. Not an easy trasition. I am getting the same feelings. Apprehension, feeling alone, overwhelmingly sad. I try to keep myself busy, and I am considering seeking counseling- ever think about it? That is why I turned to this site, to gain perspective, and I think that's why you did too. I look forward to an update- If you talk, I'll listen.


New Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/24/2005 9:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey thanks everyone for your input. I have been MIA because I've been so busy and trying to just deal with my surroundings as best I can. IT has been hard though. THose feelings of not fitting in can really put you out on an island. I am trying to stay around friends and focus on my work. I have been keeping in contact with my girlfriend pretty consistently but it gets harder and harder everyday to relate to one another because our lives are slowly dividing with no synergy point in view. I just wonder if I am wasting my time with this whole thing...i mean is investing my time on the phone and over email a stupid move? I am missing the moment by continuing to miss her and look toward a possible reunion in the future? I don't know but it haunts me and my life right now.

I'll keep you all posted with the progress. THis is a great site. and I"ll try harder to walk and look on the brighter side of the street.

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