does he know he has depression

Welcome to the forum.

There are no real answers to your questions, due to the fact the everyone is different and the variables for causitive factors of the depression, if that is it, are to many.

He could have an underlying personality disorder that is causing the depression or a bunch of other things. Until he decides to get help, he and you will not know.

At this point, you have to make a decision for your mental health. How much abuse are you willing to put up with? NO ONE deserves to be abused for ANY reason. No matter what luggage we carry from the past, everyone is responsible for their own behavior. So the saying "He can't help himself" is a bunch of you know what. YOU are not at fault for anything he does.

You might try to get him to agree to therapy, couples or alone. If he does not, then you have a choice to make.

I wish you peace and courage
Trina

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Moderator - Depression
Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

That does not really matter does it? He keeps repeating the same pattern. A very smart women wrote a book on repressed memories, although I think her quote fits in your situation.

"If you want sanity, don't expect it from an insane system"

Peace
Trina

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Moderator - Depression
Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;