i think i have made my partner depressed because of my own depression

cutekittens

New Member

Joined : Aug 2005

Posts : 6

Posted 8/22/2005 5:46 AM (GMT -7)

Hi- i am new to this... depression as well as the use of any forums... does anybody know about how your own depression can affect your partner?

AlwaysRosie

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2005

Posts : 8616

Posted 8/23/2005 7:10 PM (GMT -7)

Hello Kitten!!

Welcome to the forum! Good quiestion. You'd probably get a different answer from each response. I know that it is very hard for a guy to deal with a situation that he can't fix. You will probably need to help him understand what you need from him and what you don't need from him.

A book that really helped me see things from a guy's point of very is "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus". It is NOT about depression, but points out many differences in the way men and women process information and deal with it. It is a good read and readily available at most public libraries.

I think it is a learning process for both of you . . . just make sure to communicate.

Keep us posted!!

blessings!

In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

_UCTD _{(Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),}_{Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis,}_{High BP,}_{GI Inflamation,}_{Diverticuloses}

_{Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel (Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D,)}

AlwaysRosie

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2005

Posts : 8616

Posted 8/23/2005 7:11 PM (GMT -7)

In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

_UCTD _{(Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),}_{Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis,}_{High BP,}_{GI Inflamation,}_{Diverticuloses}

_{Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel (Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D,)}

cutekittens

New Member

Joined : Aug 2005

Posts : 6

Posted 8/24/2005 3:53 AM (GMT -7)

Thanks hon, really means a lot that you replied... it breaks my heart when he cries (usually because he's come to the end of his teather)... i feel so protective over him and i cant take the fact that i am the one hurting him the most- i'll get the book and have a read of it... he's not very open about his feelings- he bottles things up and tries to be strong for me and help me get through the bad moments of my depression- i feel like i have completely ignored the pressure that it has put on him... but thanks for the tip... big hugs... ria x

Having2LeftFeet

Regular Member

Joined : Feb 2005

Posts : 472

Posted 8/24/2005 4:10 AM (GMT -7)

Hi, Cutie and welcome,

Your question is a valid one, and something that most of us deal with day by day. I will speak for myself and let the others give you their input.

My depression which I have had for over 10+ years was due to a lot of things and yes, it most certainly effects your partner. If you are depressed, then your partner may thik it is caused by something they did. It will make them think that perhaps they are the cause of even that you might not want to be in the relationship at all. If that's the case, honesty is better then wondering and being depressed and causing their depression. At first onset, I let my depression run my life and my family as well. Being around a depressed person is no picnic. Others avoid us at any cost. I know mine did me. So, over the years and with the help of my "HP" wich is the Lord Himself, I have learned to control my depression between all the prayers and the right meds I am doing much better but I am in a stressful state also because I have Lupus and that effects me every day. I am fighting more than one battle.

Depression is a very real illness, one that a lot of people think it's in our head. They think it is bogus but it's not. Sometimes I can control my depression by thinking of good times and nice thoughts of my grandchildren or when my girls were younger but there is also a lot of pain too so that also comes into play. The first thing you have to do is find out what is depressing you and take it from there. See your doctor or even a counselor. Perhaps they can help you. The other members will also give you their imput too and they ae very wise. We are just a plain old fashion family here. No faces, just names!

Gob bless

"Lefty"

There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

cutekittens

New Member

Joined : Aug 2005

Posts : 6

Posted 8/24/2005 8:38 AM (GMT -7)

thanks lefty! feels like there is a ray of light at the end of the tunnel... i have never spoken with people that are sort of going through the same thing- depression that is... right well i'll just come out and say it and hope that no one judges me- i gather that you both have a strong sense of religion in your life- and i thought that i did until i basically turned on my own beliefs which i thing is one of the main reasons why i feel so screwed up. i never believed in having a termination- until last year when i got pregnant- my partner and i decided to have a termination which went against everything i believed in but we were thinking of our selfish lives and it just sort of happened... anyway- since then i have had real trouble dealing with it and my boyfriend thinks that i blame him.. i wish now that i hadnt gone through with it as i am very much in love with him and all i look forward to is the day when we can have children and live happy- but thats the main reason why i am depressed- i feel like i have betrayed my beliefs, has made me question the type of person i am and i feel like i have lost my soul as well as what would have been our baby... i just wish that i wasnt such a burden on him- i feel like i am destroying him just so that he feels the same pain and loss as what i feel- i am in counsilling for my depresion and he comes with me which has helped heaps but we cant attend now until mid sept... i havent had a real low in a couple of weeks but during the bad times i just want to kill myself to end my own torture and the pressure that i put on him... he doesnt deserve feeling like that and i hate myself- we just didnt realise or think about what we were doing and how it would affect us- i mean i was so happy when i found out i was pregnant so why did i do what i did?

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