What can you do to help yourself or someone else feel better?

Bryce

Regular Member

Joined : Jun 2003

Posts : 59

Posted 8/25/2005 5:33 PM (GMT -7)

What I am going to say may not feel good to some. It's not said to make anyone feel bad. But it is what I see as true. There are some on this board who are suffering from physical illnesses which may cause anxiety and depression and understandably so. Whether you have a physical illness, an emotional disorder, or a mental disorder I believe everyone deserves empathy, compassion, and understanding. At the same time, there are also things we all can do to help us feel better emotionally. It involves learning about our tendencies to overreact to situations, to catastrophize about things that never happen or blow things up out of proportion to their real importance in our lives, to think very, very negatively about things becasue we have developed a bad habit of dwelling on the negative over a period of years. In my experience, when these things have occurred to me, I turn on myself, think less of myself which causes loss of self esteem and I have caused myself and my family much unnecessary, self- inflicted misery.

Worry is useless, it has no redeeming value, but much self destructive value. There are steps which can be taken to eliviate worry. Becoming involved with activities which give us a sense of purpose or things we enjoy can help a lot and help take our minds off of things we tend to obsess over whether it's work, exercise, a hobby, reading, relaxing, watching a good movie, being in the company of someone we enjoy, helping someone else, etc. Worrisome, obsessive, negative thinking becomes a bad habit, an entrenched habit, sometimes even an addiction. It takes some daily effort over a period of time to retrain the mind to think more healthy thoughts, pleasant thoughts, peaceful thoughts. We are creatures of habit and if we have learned to think negatively we can also change and learn to think more lovingly, compassionately, and mercifully toward ourselves and others. Doing so also lowers our expectations of others, helps us to depend more on ourselves to make us feel good instead of being dependent upon someone else. We all want approval and acceptance from others, and we need the support of others, but we can also become too dependent upon others for approval and helping us feel better about ourselves. There is a balance.

Thinking creates emotions. Thinking is the train, the emotions are the caboose. I learned to think so negatively over a period of years and decades that I got lost in a sea of depression. The negative thinking created very depressed emotions making me very sick. Meds helped me some, but what I didn't realize was that much of it was self--inflicted. When I began to change how I thought I began to get better. I literally reached a state of learned helplessness and I didn't realize it until I had pulled out of it and got better. Then i could see where I had been. I wish everyone on this board a better tomorrow. It is all up to each of us individually to create a better tomorrow for ourselves. No one else can do it for us.

AlwaysRosie

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2005

Posts : 8616

Posted 8/25/2005 5:53 PM (GMT -7)

WOW Bryce!!

Bravo!! You said that very well. I think each of us can take something(s) away from your very informative post. There is always room to improve our stinkin thinkin . . . thanks for being so articulate!!

Blessings!

In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

_UCTD _{(Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),}_{Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis,}_{High BP,}_{GI Inflamation,}_{Diverticuloses}

_{Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel (Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D,)}

Nicky (coquitlam55)

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2005

Posts : 505

Posted 8/25/2005 8:23 PM (GMT -7)

Wow, very well said.

I am new to this forum. I spend most of my time in the Migraine forum as I suffer from Chronic Daily Migraine headaches. You are absolutely right, thinking makes you depressed. I was diagnosed with Depression in December 2004. It took me a good six months to start feeling human again. Chronic daily pain makes it difficult to see anything good in the world.

With the help of a psychologist who specializes in chronic pain I was able to relearn how to see the world in a different light and think more positively. I was able to stop expecting the worst, to stop feeling guilty for the chronic pain and feel good about the things I could accomplish.

I recently had a relapse and suffered some side effects from a medication so I was feeling nauseous and had daily headaches. I was so happy to tell the doctor I wasn't depressed just sick. His answer was that if anything was going to make me depressed nausea and a daily headache could. I realized then that I had won the battle.

Don't get me wrong, every day isn't a bowl of cherries. I still have days where I wonder what the point is, but there are many more when I love my cat, I love my husband, I love my family and I get out of bed because I love myself headache and all.

I hope everyone can find this end to their struggle.

Good luck!

Coquitlam55 (aka Nicky)

"The world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it." --Helen Keller

I try and remember this each day I have a headache that I'm not sure I can overcome.

Bryce

Regular Member

Joined : Jun 2003

Posts : 59

Posted 8/26/2005 6:56 PM (GMT -7)

Thanks Rosie, and coquitlam55. Sometimes I have bad days also, but thanks to what I have learned, they don't last beyond a few hours to a day usually. I know it is harder, perhaps much harder when you are in a difficult situation, whether it's your own illness, or someone you love. But it does work in these situations also. Hope everyone has a good weekend, or at least as peaceful as you can possibly make it for yourselves.

AlwaysRosie

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2005

Posts : 8616

Posted 8/26/2005 9:34 PM (GMT -7)

Thanks Bryce.

We had a wonderful evening. Kept everything very simple, but invited hubby's family over for a campfire in the backyard. We had a very good time and the weather was soooo cooperative too!! We had lots of great conversation and lots of laughs. A memorable time and each of us thought this very simple, informal, no fuss, evening was more fun than lots of the parties we have had that took a lot more planning and energy.

Thanks again for sharing your great attitude!!

Blessings!

In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

_UCTD _{(Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),}_{Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis,}_{High BP,}_{GI Inflamation,}_{Diverticuloses}

_{Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel (Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D,)}

tangerine bear

Veteran Member

Joined : Aug 2005

Posts : 941

Posted 8/27/2005 12:53 PM (GMT -7)

Bryce: You are describing me. I only want to say you are right. I hope I can get well too.

AlwaysRosie

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2005

Posts : 8616

Posted 8/27/2005 1:24 PM (GMT -7)

Hello Tangerine Bear!!

Welcome to the Depession Forum at Healing Well!!!!

Glad you found us!

Blessings!

In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

_UCTD _{(Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),}_{Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis,}_{High BP,}_{GI Inflamation,}_{Diverticuloses}

_{Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel (Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D,)}

Having2LeftFeet

Regular Member

Joined : Feb 2005

Posts : 472

Posted 8/28/2005 11:36 AM (GMT -7)

Bryce,

I understood everything you said in youe post and I think we all have said the same thing in one way or another. Being kind and understading to others is not a hard thing to do. Unfortunately, we are full of self-pity that we can't see past our own issues.

We have all said, "How come so many people read our posts but just a few reply. I think Rosie said it best when she said that sometimes other's just don't know what to say so they don't say anything. I have also learned to write smaller posts. Not everyone wants to read a "book" which I am guilyt of. (must be my Italian background). Hopefully this post will reach more members. It was a good one.

God bless!

"Lefty"

There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

Nicky (coquitlam55)

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2005

Posts : 505

Posted 8/28/2005 12:19 PM (GMT -7)

Hi Lefty,

Thanks for reminding those of us that like to write a lot that not everyone likes to read a lot. I like to talk a lot and with a captive audience sometimes forget and write a lot.

Coquitlam55 (aka Nicky)

"The world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it." --Helen Keller

I try and remember this each day I have a headache that I'm not sure I can overcome.

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