Posted 6/28/2014 4:49 PM (GMT -6)
Began the process of going through my daughter's room. Not only trying to clean it up for her for when she gets home (she wants to rip the carpet out) but making sure she's not hiding anything else from us. Came out of there with THREE big laundry baskets full to overflowing of clothes...just off of her floor!!! (That doesn't count the clothes that are crammed on the floor at the bottom of her closet!) This is gonna take me a couple of days!! In the process though, I remembered she had wanted Chapstick and we didn't have any on us when we visited her today. So, I got her purse to get hers for her. As I was digging through it, I almost cut my finger on a razor she had laying in her purse! I am still concerned for her...but now I am pissed off!! Not at her, but at this disease that has such a tight grip on my baby girl! I feel so f---ing helpless!!! Please excuse my "almost" bad language, but there really is no other words to describe how I am feeling right now!!!! I feel like there is something more I should have been able to do or see before it got to this point! All of my questions seem to go unanswered. Why her? How did this happen? What purpose does this really serve? Why didn't she talk to me before all of this? Am I a bad parent for not having caught this sooner? How do I help her? No one can seem to tell me. I've gotten on a message board for self injury recovery asking for advice and resources and all that got me was chastised and an infraction because my post was not to their liking! So much for the help boards. I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown myself because I have no idea what to do.
I am sorry for my venting. But my husband doesn't want to talk about it. All he'll say is that it will get better. But what if it doesn't? What if this is a constant struggle she (and in the end, we) have to deal with for the rest of her (our) lives? 😢
I know this forum isn't for self injury or for parents with a child dealing with this and unfortunately, there isn't one available on this website. I wish there was. I just needed to vent. I'm sorry.