Hello all. I am new here to these boards. I was looking for somewhere to vent and someone to understand, and this is where I ended up.
Let's see, where to begin? I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on the 7th. I am beginning to wonder if I will make it another week! I saw her once before and she diagnosed me as bi-polar. I am not sure that is what is really wrong with me. Anyway, I only saw her the one time. The meds she put me on, I found out could destroy my liver, and so I quit taking them about 2 days after starting. That is scary to me!
I was taking Cymbalta for a while. I really liked it, but it gave me horrid night sweats and nightmares, so the family doc took me off of it. I have been completely off of meds for 6-8 months now. I thought I could do it, but I just don't know any more.
I am overweight, have no energy or drive to do anything about it. So many depression meds make me gain weight, it is hard for me to accept that I may just have to be "fat and happy". But I guess it's better than being fat and miserable, which I am right now.
A little over a month ago we moved into a new house. I thought it was going to be our dream come true. This, too, has turned into a nightmare. In the first week, we got locked out because of a broken door lock, and blew up the toilet. It literally set in the middle of the bathroom floor for over 24 hours. Okay for the boys, but I had issues with where to "go"! LOL! Now, Katrina has brought us the rain, and we have a leak in the ceiling! I guess we are in a year contract here, but I am looking forward to the year being over, so we can find something a little better suited for us.
I have an 8 year old son, a son who will be 6 tomorrow, my hubby, and myself. I have issues with my in-laws, issues with my own extended family, and issues with my new neighbors (who want to tell me how to do everything, like they have no idea how I existed for 29 years without their help!). Anyway, I guess to sum it up, I just have issues.
We just got an 8 week old German Shepherd puppy about a week ago, since we couldn't have a dog in the apartment that we came from. I have waited for a dog for years. I thought this was going to be wonderful for the depression, but I think the stress of everything together has only made it worse. I want to give up. I dispise getting out of bed every morning!
My boys are home schooled, so I am with them 24/7. I love them dearly, but I feel like they are little leeches, draining everything out of me. I need somewhere to hide where it is safe and quiet. Most of the time, the closest I get is bed! I don't know what is wrong with me, but I know I need help. I just want to sit and cry. How do you go on when it feels like there is concrete weighing down your every step? I believe in God, and know He is allowing this heart ache for a reason, but stupid me just can't get the lesson in it. I figure if I could learn the lesson, then He wouldn't have to keep trying to teach me, and maybe it would get easier.
Please, if you have any advice, I am open to hearing it. Thank you for the time you have taken to read this. God bless.