New member with a lot of problems

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/5/2005 8:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone.
Well it has been a hard 5 weeks, I found out my daughter might have autism.  She wont have a professional dianosis until 8 Dec.  I have been depressed for the entire time.  My relationship with my wife has gone down hill.  I have a hard time focusing on anything.  I have my good days but most of the time I wake up in the middle of the night and can go back to sleep.  I have not been eating well and have to remind myself to even drink water.  I feel so guilty about my daughter, I can hardly be in the same room as her sometimes.  I love her so much but if I watch her too long, I see some of the signs and my stomach knots up and I feel dizzy.  I dont know what is wrong with me.  I went to a theripist, and she said "It was normal"...Maybe for a few days but over a month...No way.  I am ruining my marrage and relationship with my daughter.  I dont what to do.  I cant stop the way I feel.  Sometimes I wish I could just run away.  That would not help at all.  My family needs me.  I am at my wits end.  My wife wont even talk to me about it anymore.  Without an outlet, I get worst.  Is there any chat community out there where I can let everything out.  When I do that with someone.  I get better.  Even doing this helps.  If anyone can help let me know.
Thank you for listening to me.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 4151
   Posted 9/5/2005 11:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey there... (((HUGS)))

I am so sorry that you are going through a hard time right now. You are welcome to get everything off of your chest here. This is a really supportive group that will listen.

The first thing that I got from your post is that you are an amazing loving father. You have put yourself through so much torture because you care so much. I would suggest that you continue to see the therapist and maybe it might be a good idea that your wife was there also. You are handling this differently and you both don't understand why the both of you are taking it the way you do. My husband and I have this problem about a lot of things. We get angry at each other because of the different way we handle things. It is normal but you both need to realize that and the best way I think is through therapy. It sounds like you both care for your daughter very much. Take Care and please keep posting... we are here for each other :)
Des (dbab)
IBS, Diverticulosis, GERD, Disc Degeneration
"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it" - Mary Engelbreit
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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 247
   Posted 9/5/2005 5:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Biggdaddy!
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, but I do understand the feelings that you have. My husband has lung cancer and between all the chemo and radiation he is now unable to walk. It is so sad to see him in this condition.
I have seen both a psychiatrist and therapist. They say I have,situational anxiety/depression. I am taking meds for it and they do seem to help.
I do think a support group for people with children who have autism would help. I'm thinking of looking for a support group for caregivers.
The best to you and your family. Dee

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/7/2005 5:07 AM (GMT -6)   

Thank you all for the support.  Things have calmed down a little since I last posted.  It has been really hard for me.  My mind seems to be all over the place.  I have been talking with group on-line about it.  They help a lot, but only for a short time.  I will stress out and start thinking the worst...I feel better when I talk with them...but not always.  The only time I feel any better is when I talk the whole thing out.  I need to do it almost everyday.  I think I am bothering the people I talk to so most of the time I don't say anything.  After a few days I am a mess.  I am not sure where to turn to.  All I know is that my heath is not as good as before; I am back smoking again and have no motivation to exercise.  All I want to do is sit around and smoke and worry.  I am not sure what to do.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 798
   Posted 9/7/2005 5:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bigdaddy. I remember when I was little and I was sick or hurt or whatever and my mom would always say "I wish I could take it from you" and I always thought she was nuts. Anyways, now that I'm a parent I understand that it's harder to watch our children suffer/struggle than ourselves. I really hope you and your wife can bind together in this and find a way to be there to support each other as it sounds like you love your daughter very much and that's why it's so hard.

Have you been to your family doctor and talked this over with him? The reason I ask is that I have felt like you and now take anti-depressants and am doing much better. I was up for hours in the middle of the night and worry clouded my daytime thoughts also. It was draining.

Take care and I pray she doesn't have autism.
Take care, Softy

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/7/2005 7:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi softy,

I have not done so yet.  I have been considering it.  But I am in the military and am not sure if that will affect my status.  If the way I feel persists I will break down and do it.  I have been a little better the last few days but still thinking about most of the time.  I am not sure how I feel about antidepressants.  I have never taken them.  Are there a lot of side effects?  Will I feel loopy?  Those would be my only concerns.  I know after I get a diagnosis about her will I start to feel better. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 905
   Posted 9/7/2005 10:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear big Daddy, my heart breaks for your heartache. I can see that you're ONLY concern is for her. You DO love her dearly or you wouldn't be here. I think (and I'm NOT a doctor) and I'm gonna say this in a very generalized way.....but I think since you ARE a man, well, men seem to like to fix things. Its how God wired us. And seeing as you cant FIX your daughter, well, thats got your mind in all sorts of an uproar as it goes against your natural instincts to help her.

But I will say this, antidepressants can help you. If you dont want to try them, then try some St. Johns Wort over the counter, herbal anxiety/depression remedy. It can help. Or even SamE...its the latest and greatest so they say for herbal natural treatments. These are only suggestions. But, I wanted to add that taking an antidepressant should NOT adversely affect your military career in any way shape or form. Unless you were to become paryalyzed by your mental status, meaning you cant function and do your job anymore because you're so depressed, well then they have every right to medically discharge you. But for seeking help and treatment, no, they cant touch you.

I was Active Duty AF for 4 yrs and worked in teh mental health clinic so I'm familiar w/protocol in that area. I saw many folks d/c'd for their severe mental status, such as schizophrenia or bipolar that is not controlled. But these medicines available today allow us to function normally. They may have a few side effects in the beginnign, but usually after 2 weeks or so, your body gets used to them and those side effects disappear. I'm on Paxil 10mgs and I take it every other day, not everyday as it makes me sleepy and crave Not a good thing when I need to be watching my figure! lol

I wish you the very best, please keep us posted. There's a Depression Chat room available to you under CHAT above. Click on it and log in, there's usually someone chatting at all hours!

Stay strong, both your wife (whom you DO need to "jive" with for your daughter's sake) and your daughter need you terribly right now to be strong and be the authority in the family. You can do this. For their sake. Pray about it, He'll carry you and give you the mercy and grace you so desperately need right now.

All my best,
Hugs and God Bless You,  Beth
Co-Moderator, Fibromyalgia Forum
Fibro, RA, Costo, Endo, IBS-D, Anxiety-2004
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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/8/2005 5:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you both effie and Beth for kind words and encouragement.  effie I will be waiting for your email and I would be interested in the yahoo ID. (I don’t use MSN)  Your posting was very helpful/encouraging to me.  Beth, I will try some of the supplements first.  And see if it helps any, I have been considering going back to the MH on base, it was just last time they said I was reacting normal and they weren't worried about me.  (Tell me having to remind yourself to drink everyday because you are so distracted and depressed is normal)  But if I continue to feel this way I will go back.  Just want to thank you both again for everything.  I will talk to you later effie.

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/10/2005 4:30 AM (GMT -6)   

Well down I go again.  I have been feeling better over the last few days (Thanks to Judy)...But I am spiraling down again.  I am not even really sure why I have been so stressed out.  Still waking up before 5 am everyday.  My mind is so tormented, one thought to another.  Still losing weight, I could have gone all of yesterday without eating.  I know what’s bothering me, but right now nothing jumps out, seems like a lot of underlying thoughts.  Combined keeps me awake at night.  Anyone have ways for me to unwind, I still don’t have a real good outlet.  Talking about with other people heals a lot but it still is only short term.  I need to find a longer term, way to release al this anxiety.  If anyone has any ideas please let me know.

Take care,
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