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Where is my depression coming from?

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Posted 9/5/2005 10:07 AM (GMT -7)
confused  I am new here and have never really talked publicly about my depression. I just recently made the descision to go to therapy, but I wasn't comfortable talking about things that I have internalized all my life.

I don't really know what to do... the therapist says my dpression most likely comes from my traumatic childhood.. she never even acknowledged that i have been living with cfs and fibromyalgia among other ailments for bout 7 years. She seems to think I have unreleased anger causing my depression.

Is this the typical way of dealing with depression?I have been on celexa, wellbutrinxl, and now i am on cymbalta. Nothing seems to help much. the meds seem to make me feel numb, void of emotion. I don't want that. But I can't be sure I want to delve into the dark crevices of my memories to confront anger I don't know I have.

Any suggestions on what I should be doing?I have been unemployed for 6 years too. with the chronic pain and fatigue.. I barely keep up with daily chores at home.

I hope this isn't too long.. I am new a tthis. Thank you any suggestions.

Allison 

Post Edited (Aljosangels) : 9/5/2005 2:41:26 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/5/2005 2:44 PM (GMT -7)
Hi Allison,

Have you ever checked out Pro.health dot com? They have some excellent supplements for Fibromyalgia - which might be causing the depression. I know I would be depressed if I were in pain and tired all the time. I also had a traumatic childhood, but I think my depression is more of a chemical imbalance that I received from my Mother who was also depressed. I also tried therapy and although it helped, it did not remove the depression.

There is a catalog from Pro Health and they have some great energy packs and supplements for chronic pain and Fibromyalgia. You can also buy them on line. I too feel emotionally numb from antidepressants and am trying to go natural - such as SAM-e, St. Johns Wort, Chromium (for energy) and L-phenylaline (amino Acid). Hope this helps!
Posted 9/5/2005 10:21 PM (GMT -7)
Hi Rianna.. thank you for your reply. I haven't been to ProHealth .com but have heard of it. I will check it out.

I have been taking vitamin Bcomplex in hopes it would boost my energy but haven't seen results yet.

I am determined to pull out of this dark place I have fallen into.

Peace, Allison

Posted 9/6/2005 10:06 PM (GMT -7)

Hi Allison,

When I was at the worst of my depression I felt numb and void of emotion. It wasn't a result of my medications.

Everything that you're feeling is typical of depression. You'll find many of us also suffer from chronic pain. It's hard to be in pain all the time and not be depressed. I suffer from chronic daily migraines.

I found a psychologist that specialized in chronic pain and depression. She taught me some relaxation exercises that helped me reduce the pain and some cognitive behavioural techniques to change the things I tell myself so that they're more positive.

Keep perservering. You can overcome this. yeah

Posted 9/7/2005 9:58 AM (GMT -7)

I have had a chronic illness since I was 5 and I am 45 almost 46 now. Much of what I have gone through these past 2 years is uncovering the unreleased anger or more like unhealthy release of anger related to me suppressing my feelings associated with living with a chronic illness. Therapy is a great place to start. It was there that I started realizing that I never faced the issues of my illness. As you open up and develop a spirit of trust with you therapist, that is when the real healing begins. If that doesn't happen with this therapist, don't be afraid to try a different one. I went through 3 before I found one I felt I could open up and reveal all the "ugly" parts of me I have hidden from the world and myself for all these years. God bless you as you start this journey. It is a difficult path, but well worth the travel.

Aljosangels said...
confused  I am new here and have never really talked publicly about my depression. I just recently made the descision to go to therapy, but I wasn't comfortable talking about things that I have internalized all my life.

I don't really know what to do... the therapist says my dpression most likely comes from my traumatic childhood.. she never even acknowledged that i have been living with cfs and fibromyalgia among other ailments for bout 7 years. She seems to think I have unreleased anger causing my depression.

Is this the typical way of dealing with depression?I have been on celexa, wellbutrinxl, and now i am on cymbalta. Nothing seems to help much. the meds seem to make me feel numb, void of emotion. I don't want that. But I can't be sure I want to delve into the dark crevices of my memories to confront anger I don't know I have.

Any suggestions on what I should be doing?I have been unemployed for 6 years too. with the chronic pain and fatigue.. I barely keep up with daily chores at home.

I hope this isn't too long.. I am new a tthis. Thank you any suggestions.

Allison 

Posted 9/8/2005 7:51 AM (GMT -7)
Thank You Nikki for the encouragment, it means alot. I was beginning to wonder if I was immune to the meds... I feel the depression regardless of what I take.
I will continue to search for relief. I believe life is too short to be this miserable. and I know in my heart that God didn't intend for my life to be fuul of such pain and sorrow.

Good luck with finding relief from your headaches!! I know the feeling.. I have them frequently as well.

Peace, Allison


Randy, You said what I have been thinking.. are you reading my mind already? LOL. I know I have repressed the anger and frustration I feel from being so incapacitated by my health. I held out for a very long time thinking I would "fix" this like I fix everything else. This illness is the one thing I can't fix. or control.

I think I will look into finding another therpapist and see how I feel then. That's IF I can get motivated. I find it increasingly more difficult to be productive and take care of things.

I have missed several appointments with my GP, and my counselor, and even one with my attorney. I don't leave my house unless I have no choice, and I feel less like being around people every day.

My commen sense tells me I must pull out of this, but I am SOO tired and SOO much in pain and the overwhelming sadness...

Thank you again for your response!

Blessings to You!!, Allison
Posted 9/8/2005 9:20 AM (GMT -7)
Allison,

Welcome to the group. Hope you find comfort here. Depression is such a complex illness and a lot of times it's a choice of trial and error. I believe that a patient should try one med at a time. If it's not working, go on to another. If you are taking 3 different anti-depression drugs, they could even be clashing one another. I'm sorry about your medical condition, but believe it or not, 70% of the people on this board have a physical illness. That is what causes my depression, which I can't do the things I used to do. I was a very active, vibrant person. I loved working in the yard and fixing up my home like painting and wall papering. Now, it's a chore for me to cook dinner for more than 15 minutes of a time on my feet. I have been through the anger to the sorrow to even blaming God, but He is the reason I can go on day by day. I can't work so I am on SSD. My husband does just about everything for me. If he wants to take me out, he knows my limitations. I don't drive because I have seizures and even though I haven't had one in almost a year, I still woulnd't want to put anyone in harms way. (I have Lupus, Fibro, epilepsy, diplopia and degenerative bone and joint disease). I make the best of it. I think of others that are suffering, like the people from the devistation of the Hurricane and I humble real fast. Take it one day at a time. Force yourself to get up, get dressed, fix yourself up even if you're not going anywhere. I started that about 8 months ago and I felt so uch better. I will hold thoughts for you.

"Lefty"   

Posted 9/9/2005 7:23 AM (GMT -7)
Hello aladin.. Thank you for the links... I will be sure to check it out.
Hope you are feeling well!! Take Care, Allison


2LeftFeet... soundslikeme.. bull in a china shop...always tripping or bumping into things.

thank you for your response. I have taken 3 different antidepressants at different times. All I get from them it seems is no feeling.. numbness.. I can't cry when I feel like I should be crying, Ya know?

I have been like this for abourt 3or 4 years maybe longer... I just don't know where to turn for help.. . I am at the point where I do force myself to get up and get dressed. I have a teenage son who worries about me... he is my motivation.

But I want to get my life back as much as possible. I applied for disability and am waiting for a hearing now.. only have fibro, cfs, depression, hypothyroidism, ibs,tinnitus,migraines, reflux.... I think thats it.

take care! Allison
Posted 9/9/2005 10:52 AM (GMT -7)
Hello Allison,

 

just a line to say "GOODBYE"..I dont know the why, but they disabled my account and deleted all my posts (my last name was aladin).  What madness! I wrote in lot of forums, in italian, in french, in eglish (mine) and it did happen ever! I only wrote some suggestions to help someone to suffer less. Are they raciste?????

However, bye Allison and all my best wishes for your health and for your future...Take care

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