YES & YES...Of course he can charm the therapist. She cannot help a guy who claims he doesn't need help.
I'm no medical professional, nor do I pretend to be. I can only speak from my personal experience. Look back at your earlier responses in this thread. Read my posts to you. I suspected MAN-opause, as in change of life, mid-life crisis, possibly another woman. I still believe this, but it's just an observation.
FIRST & FOREMOST...is the safety of you and your kids. Secure that now. He sounds dangerous. I'm afraid for you. He's one of 2 things...mid-life crisis or multiple personality disorder. You've tried repeatedly to get help for him. IMO you need to get OUT until he comes to his senses.
I've lived it. I've seen it with my own eyes. I've watched, through blinding tears, the man I'd loved since I was 16 become a raging freaking lunatic. He became verbally abusive. He chased me through the house and over my bed to grab my wrists and slam me against the wall. I was 111 pounds at the time, and fighting medical issues for my life. This couldn't be my "baby" treating me this way? He became more and more distant, a total horse's ass. This total personality change, combined with MANY other "signs" are obvious in hind sight. He wanted to be young, hot sexy rock star, with women like snacks from a vending machine. He had bought into the image he personified on stage. I had always been SO supportive of his talent and was by his side until I got sick-er.
I'm not saying that YOUR HUSBAND is the same as mine was, but the obvious is that he has a serious problem. And, YES HE CAN fool a therapist. He can lie, divert and deny. He doesn't want help. She/he can't do anything. You have few options. I am very concerned for your welfare. Please do not remain in this abusive environment. Reach out to friends and family, then relocate until there is resolution. You could very well be in danger. I don't like his remarks about your funeral. Been there, done that. I was the trophy wife during the professional work day as he was a respected architectural engineer. He was a Stevie Ray Vaughn clone at night. He wanted the harlots in the clubs. While I was having major surgery (alone) 2 hours away, he was having sex with a bee-otch in my bed. I didn't have a clue. She wrote her telephone number on the box of my cowboy boots. I didn't see it for YEARS. She was ONE of many. TMI but true...I worried for years about HIV...continuously tested negative, thank God. I digress. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds as though he is kicking you while you're down, then asking if "that hurts". My heart bleeds for you as I know exactly what you're feeling. Forgive me if I repeat myself from prior post to you, but I must say this. He presented for years early on in his "music career" as "depressed" and "needed space". The dang fool I was, packed him a bag with love notes and sent him to a hotel to "have me time". Yes, you guessed the result. I was paying for the hotel for him to fornicate at will, while telling me he just "needed time". I forced him to see a counselor with me. He told her I was crazy.
Again, BEWARE and BE SAFE...In hindsight, I believe my husband wanted to get rid of me. He was hoping that I would die. I did...inside...I kicked him out without even car keys. He had to call his mommy. I piled all of his amps, collector high dollar guitars, stage clothes/hats/boots in the back yard and made a bonfire that got his attention. He needed s'more help to get out of Dodge...Oh, lord knows this is TOO MUCH to share. It's the short version. Perhaps it will show you that you are not alone in your quandary. Perhaps YOU are in denial for self-preservation. Please focus on securing the safety of you and your kids, which is paramount.
We separated for 2 months until divine intervention. We reconciled through the grace of God and a very kind young pastor who came into our lives. It took a lot of counseling and facing hard truths, but we did it. He had to change his ways and turn his back on the ego maniac that he had become. We renewed our vows on what would have been our 16th anniversary. We've now been married 34 years.
If y'all can get some serious help through intense counseling...there could be reconciliation. You will never FORGET but perhaps you can FORGIVE. I haven't. It's like drinking poison every day and expecting him to die. I have to look to God to help me overcome those memories when they are triggered. ALL OF THIS happened during the holiday season for me, too, which made it that much harder to find peace at this time of year. The memories just wrap their hands around my throat.
I really can't "help" you, but I speak my truth in hopes that someone can relate and not feel so alone in their struggles. Please email me if you need to. There are good folks here who care. Remember this. Be safe.