Posted 10/30/2014 10:28 AM (GMT -6)
I have been really wanting to get out of town recently, away from my problems. My last vacation was March 2013. We have a time share, but I don't have enough money to use the durned thing. BF would not react well to my suggestion we use it, as he would have to pay for the whole thing.
I first thought about an overnight this weekend, driving up to central PA to Fallingwater. Frank Lloyd Wright house, in a very rural area. BF nixed that for good reasons-his car is in the shop and my car is small and not road-trip friendly. This let out even more locations. I checked state park cabins in four states all within a two hour destination. We are in the West Virginia/Virginia/Pennsylvania/Maryland connection area. All cabins are booked for this weekend, of course, being prime "leaf-peeping" season.
So, I concocted a new plan, that's not far but kinda away. We are headed up to the mountains in northern MD/southern PA. We will stop at a butcher shop I know, then pick up pumpkins at the orchards, and then go to the lake. Spend the day relaxing, reading, hiking, pumpkin carving, grilling, etc. Forecast is low sixties and sunny.
Many times, we just need a re-set in order to heal a little. I am still quite anxious and trying to keep pushing forward towards a new styling. In order to stay more balanced, I have really been working on my self-talk and trying to re-orient BF when he gets on the downward slope of negativity. In so many ways, people determine their own outcome by how they see their lives and how they frame events. Staying positive and getting up smiling can carry me much further than will recounting over and over my many deficits and worries. Remember Voltaire's Candide-a great read for anyone with depression, IMO. The guy kept getting hits from life, really awful stuff, but his outlook was happy and hopeful and he got what he wanted, albeit through a very convoluted process.
I always told performance students that 95% of confidence was believing yourself. It's true in life, as well. When you allow the circumstances of life, or the people you run interact with, or horrible events to dictate how you react and feel, there will never be a way out.
Many of you might remember that my college roommate lost her youngest at Sandy Hook. That event coincided with my sister's first birthday after her death from leukemia. It was a very low point for me personally, within the remembrance of my own grief, but still imagining the crucible of these parent's anguish. Yes, bad things happen without reason and hurt good people, cause pain and fear and overwhelming depression. We have to go through the pain to get to the acceptance.
She posted a beautiful picture on FB of her holding a lighthouse, in front of a crib, with a pregnant belly.