I am so sorry to hear this. I think a call to your consultant is in order. In the old days, they would put a person on the hospital while getting meds adjusted. Sometimes I wish that would still happen. I think you'd benefit from having daily or weekly contact with your consultant. Are they still doing home visits?
I know you feel so low but I promise you God is not punishing you nor forsaking you. I too have had conflicts with my faith this year for the very same reasons you are but something in my gut will not allow me not to believe.
There is a gal in the anxiety forum that has been posting there for almost a year. Her posts have always been desperate and painful w/terrible anxiety, physical pains, questioning God and med switches. She just posted yesterday she's FINALLY healing and never lost sight of her God & giving Him all her praises. That WILL be you. And me!
Please believe that. No one lives like what we are going through for long and by that I mean that there is ALWAYS a resolution getting the right med, progress in therapy, time etc. what I DON'T mean is taking your life in your own hands. If you feel that frightened and desperate, get yourself to your hospital asap. There is no shame checking yourself in if you feel you're at rock bottom. No shame at all.
We all love you and support you and as an outsider looking in, I KNOW there is healing and normalcy for you. Many of us have struggled longer & worse than we ever had before this year. It's been a crappy season as we both know.
I am having better days. I'm not "there" yet but time is starting to heal things for me. I'm still not sure I'm on the right antidepressant but im giving it some time.
If that gal in the anxiety forum can heal, it's my belief that ANYONE can heal.
Stay in touch and keep posting. I'm praying for you and I believe in you & your healing.
Anxiety & Depression
"If you're going through hell, keep going."
Post Edited (lesweet1971) : 10/31/2014 4:15:20 PM (GMT-6)