is it me or is it my counselor

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 9/18/2005 5:21 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm on public assistance, I have a special needs child who can't go to regular daycare (she's 4) and a 6 year old. I feel stuck most of the time, I have no money for gas & I live at my ma's, my 4 year old cries and screams all day, I love my kids but I feel stuck a lot(there's no bus where I live.Is it possible to have a shady counselor or psychiatrist? I dread my appointments, I struggle with being suicidal off and on, but I'm not sure if my BHR counselor even cares. When I talk, theres a lot of long uncomfortable silences. I constantly tell her, I don't know what to do with myself, I don't have any hope for the future, and I'll stare at the ground and cry and no one says anything.......I mean I want help I don't feel like she's helping me. She'll look at her watch and at the clock while I'm talking, I feel like she doesn't even care about what I'm saying. And she'll say things like, "they wont pay for you to be at home with your kids forever" you know which is true, but I feel like if I'm there to get over my emotional issues, not to be judged for being on public assistance. I really want to get better, I really do, I don't know what to do. I just want help. I want to be a productive member of society, I have some hurdles. Maybe I should switch counselors or maybe she's right and I just suck I don't know..............

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 9/18/2005 11:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Please switch counsellors immediately. It sounds to me like she is being judgemental. It is definately time for you to find someone new. I used to see a family doctor who would complain everytime she wrote me a sick note, that if she became ill, it would just mean no money for her. She would tell me over and over that doctors do not get sick time since they are self employed. She told me this so often that I started feeling guilty for being sick. Who needs a therapist that makes them feel guilty or less than? You need someone who listens to how you are feeling and offers you support along with suggestions for how you can continue on your journey to wellness. You have made the first step by getting yourself help. Unfortunately now the second step is going to have to be trying to find a new therapist. Just my opinion. I am not a medical doctor. I just think you have a difficult enough life already and you deserve to work with someone who cares. Hang in there and post your feelings. By telling your story and sharing, hopefully it will help you to feel better.

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 9/19/2005 2:09 AM (GMT -6)   
I know it may seem bad now, but it isn't you at all! and i would suggest trying to get another councler/therapist. there are good ones out there, i promise! maybe you can try and do some research on counclers that work on a sliding scale, and that doesn't mean they're second rate, actually, i've found that they are the one's that actually do care.

keep sharing your feelings....i know if i don't i get stuck in my head and that's no place for me to be. for me, sometimes the best therapy is just getting it out.

as far as being a "productive member of society"..... i can't think of being more productive than being a mother. YOU are trying to get's not your fault if what you have now isn't helping. i know the pain of just wanting to check out.....but the more i would ponder on it the worse it would be.......there is help and i know it sounds corny but you won't feel this way forever.. i know right now it may seem like it, but i promise does get better, and even if "it" doesn't....YOU can.

take care and godspeed

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 9/19/2005 5:18 AM (GMT -6)   

You said exactly what I wanted to say; only I could not find the right words.
You write beautifully!!! And you have excellent support skills. have you ever done professional counseling? You sound like a great counselor yourself.

I hope you will listen to Mel. She has given you some great advice.

When you are feeling low, share your story and reread Mel's words.

Please know that you are valuable. I have a friend that is in a similar situation to you. Her daughter is autistic and she has an older son. Her husband left her when her daughter was diagnosed.

Dealing with welfare has been a nightmare for her. However she too, like you can not just leave her daughter with just anyone.

And she is without a car also. It really is tough.

However I had been her daughters JK teacher. Once I got to know her we became friends and I hired her as a personal assistant and she worked in the classroom while her daughter was in school.

Unfortunately I became disabled so I could no longer hire her. She is trying to get the school to hire her for something so she can get a bit of money and have the same hours as her daughter.

I hope better days come your way. My email address is listed in my profile, just click on my name. If you want you can email me anytime.

I understand depression. I have been depressed ever since I had to stop working when I just couldn't walk anymore due to illness.

Hope to talk to you again soon. I do care about you and will pray for you.


Post Edited (effie) : 9/19/2005 11:00:07 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 9/19/2005 10:49 AM (GMT -6)   
I would suggets looking for a different counselor. I have fired 3 before I found one that I could TRUST and let out the crap that I am feeling inside. Good luck and hope you find some answers soon.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 9/19/2005 3:53 PM (GMT -6)   
thank you guys sooooo much for your advice. She would say that weird stuff and I would just nod my head and agree w/ her, then later I'd be like wow thats kinda hurtful. I was on Paxil, but it wasn't really working and she suggested going from 20 to 40mg, then it made me sleep all the time, and I missed a few appointments and she'd get upset w/ me and my regular doctor was the one who said enough is enough you need to switch meds this isn't working for you. I honestly spent most of the summer in a comatose state, asleep or wanting to be asleep, and she was on my case on top of that saying "you need to stop missing appointments" But I couldn't help it!!!!! It was awful. My doctor has been more supportive of me than my counselor, so I haven't completely lost hope of finding a good one. Thank you guys sooo much I'm printing this thread and reading it and re-reading it so I don't feel so bad about my decision of switching counselors. Take care everyone.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 798
   Posted 9/20/2005 6:42 PM (GMT -6)   
If this were my counsellor, I'd need another one just undue the damage from this one :-)

I absolutely know the feeling of those long silences and when you are stared at while you are crying and feeling like a bother.

Please know that life will get better for you. You are a worthwhile human being and although I have no idea what it's like to deal with a special needs child, I do know that parenting children with a spouse is tough enough. You are a strong individual, don't give up.
Take care, Softy

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