I posted earlier under anxiety about
my feelings and such and I feel so hopeful because of the replies. In short a summary I can write, my depression has come back and has stayed since summer. I'm a senior in highschool and went through my first heartbreak and first break up (I did not cheat whatsoever, two different people, a month apart). With the first heartbreak, we left and game back 8 times, known him since Feb., he used/manipulated me, blamed me for cheating on his gf, became intimate with me, broke me many times, stole my innocence. With my first break up, it only lasted 4 weeks (the relationship), he ignored me,cheated, spread lies (so typical). Then the first heartbreak and I had this huge fight after my ex.
This two events have drained me completely; emotionally, mentally, physically. There are some days when I can trick myself into feeling happy at least, but the pain comes back. I have no contact between either of them anymore, I avoid them at all costs. But it still hurts.
With my first heartbreak, he distracted me from the depression I had before him. Slowly, I
opened up and he healed me and helped me. I fell in love with him, but he only felt attraction and pressured me into things (still a virgin, he has the same gf still, I do feel bad about
that). With the shame and guilt and abandonment I have felt because of him, it becomes too much to deal with sometimes.
Lately, I've been feeling very alone in this world. I feel okay at home, I love my family. My friends supported my ex more (they're friends with him too). They often talk about
him infront of him, which I've kindley asked them to stop because it really hurts sometimes, but they ignore me. My ex too pressured me to do things I didn't want to (Im a virgin and don't want to change that anytime soon). I see my ex at school so it's easier to avoid him, my first heartbreak is in college so it's easier for me.
open up to people, they make me all of these promises and don't keep them. My friends get mad at me sometimes and don't support me. I just feel like my generation only cares about
themselves. I'm okay with being alone, I've done it before. But I got so used to feeling like I meant so much to a person. So...having to go through all of this just seems impossible. Sometimes I have panic attacks and I get this intense fear like I'm not going to make it and no one cares.
Post Edited (LillyBlossoms) : 12/15/2014 3:56:05 PM (GMT-7)