Hello my shelled friend...I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. I know this furthers the sadness and loss you've been feeling for your friend, Irene. There's no "easy" way to get through these feelings, as you know. You just have to keep things going that distract you or give you some moments of escape...your tunes, your poetry, your walks, and your uncanny ability to LIFT OUR SPIRITS with your encouraging posts.
You are such a BLESSING to SO MANY. Always know this, Jamie. I know the holidays have been such a downer for you. Me, too. I think they are "sadness evoking" to far more folks than are willing to confess. The holidays shine a light IMO on all our personal losses and regrets juxtaposed against the MARKETING MACHINE. We KNOW the images projected in our faces are just that..."projected", not real. Somehow, it still gets into our psychy and makes us feel less of ourselves. For me, personally, it is absolutely draining as I try to go through the motions and be "upbeat" for my husband. He LOVES Christmas...being at home together with our Dals...eating good food and homemade treats...watching movies and napping in front of the fire. I love him dearly and I am truly grateful for all of the love that we have after 34+ years of marriage (some of which was tumultuous @ the 15 year mark)
Yet I understand the loneliness and the heartache of loss, whether through death or distance. I yearn for my house to be filled with family during the holidays. The emptiness of this big ole house is just overwhelming for me. Can you spend some time with your mom and sis? Jamie, please don't isolate yourself and become cocooned in your own grief. Focus on your Lady and your future together...I know, then there's Crappy New Year!!! We'll get through it somehow. Please feel my cyber hugs.