Posted 1/27/2015 4:57 PM (GMT -6)
I feel bad just for posting this.
Ever since I was diagnosed with Crohn's i haven't felt like I have much support from my husband. I live in the US, away from my family, it is just God, him and I here, no one else. His family has completely ****ed up our marriage and I feel so angry all the time about that because they got away with ****ing us over and stealing our money and we fought over it so much that it almost ended in divorce. I am sorry about the cussing, but I need to say it like it is.
I have been so depressed because I have only the state insurance, I always have to worry about if they will re-approve me every year for treatment or not, I gained so much weight from being on steroids that now my liver is kind of in "danger". It is all so overwhelming. My husband is always on me about sex, sex, sex and I am on so much medication I don't have anything left after working 9 hours a day with 22 children in my classroom. He doesn't help me with any house work, he is constantly on the video game and it frustrates me to my very core.
I am so stressed, rude and inconsiderate, yes, I am! But that is because I feel so much anger and resentment about him not backing me up on the fight we had with his family because THEY STOLE OUR MONEY.
I have seen a therapist and she is more concerned about the issues with my health and my childhood traumas, she didn't really mention anything about my husband, but she does know I resent him because of the family fight and the video gaming.
I just needed to vent...I may seem very selfish and like I am not an understanding person, but I am really not. I am a really generous, nice, caring and loving person...my only problem is when people **** with my money, that is all.
And I try to be really strong, and do thing by myself, but over the past 5 months that hasn't worked out so well, I have cried every single day (no exaggeration, EVERY DAY), have had anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and I have a little mental breakdown that scared the living crap out of my husband.
Anyone going through anything similar?
I have never thought about harming myself, thankfully, but I feel I am a hostage to myself, to my body and to my disease. I just can't take it, and I feel like I can't talk to anyone, not even my therapist because I have to look her in the face and I can't stop crying when I see her.