I found this forum a few days ago when my daughter called saying that she was in counseling and was learning that she was the most horrible person in the world. She told me she had threatened suicide a month before. She was still talking about it when she called me.
I had known for a long time that she needed counseling, but she thought not. She has been white knuckling it, refusing to get help for a long while--and there was no way to convince her that she needed to. She's also on meds now as well and doesn't feel so hopeless. The same girl who disappears out of my life for 6 to 8 months at a time is calling daily. Her mood isn't up to par, but she can stand her days.
Call some of the people you know. Talk to them. Someone will reach out to you and ask you to call back, offer to do something with you, or listen to you vent. They won't find out that you are having trouble unless you make the call. Also call a mental health office, better yet go to a mental health office and see a counselor. Go to your doctor, don't quit all meds, just because one didn't work.
Many years ago I went through a long depression. All that kept me going was knowing I didn't want to set a suicide example for my daughter and the rest of my family. Meds weren't as good as today, and even though I wasn't functioning, I refused to take what was available then. White knuckling is a hard way to go, I know I did it and it took a long time. In today's world that is not necessary.
I came to think of the period when I thought suicide was the only solution as when I was "stuck." I just couldn't see the options either. I was afraid. It stayed like that for a long while, then as a dear friend kept telling me, "when the student is ready, the teacher appears." There is an Iroquis Indian legend about that. It's too long to tell. Try a google search on John Campbell and magic or Iroquis Indian. My teacher looked just like what you would expect when you read that story.