Posted 6/12/2015 6:20 PM (GMT -7)
Hi I dont usually use these kind of forums but I am feeling so lost and alone right now I dont know where else to turn.
I have been with my now ex boyfriend for just over 2 and a half years. I am british and he is Australian, I met him 3 weeks into a year long internship in Australia and we fell madly in love. Our relationship was very intense and we became really serious very quickly. Not long after we met he lost his job in Brisbane and was offered a new one in Sydney he asked me to move with him and I did. We lived together and were so incredibly happy. We went through a lot together, problems with his family and a lot of money worries. After the year i had to go back to the UK to finish my degree, he felt he had a good job oportunity in aus (we are both very career focused) so he wanted to stay. We decided to do long distance. It was really hard but we made it through and after 13 months I moved back to Australia to be with him.
Its now been 7 months since I have been back, in that time we applied for me to get a visa through him. Our relationship hasnt been the same since I got back. There was a patch in the middle where things with the relationship were good, we got a new place, I found myself a great job and I started feeling like we were finally getting where we wanted to be. But then he started getting really distant, he was quiet and withdrawn and never wanted to go out and do anything. He started to drink heavily and begin using drugs more, he lost his sex drive (which was always very high). He seemed to have no interest in me anymore even seemed to find me irritating at times. I was scared to bring it up, so just carried on the best I could (which I realise now wasnt a good idea)
He changed jobs and started a course after work, his job can have very long and demanding hours. So I ended up never seeing him. I moved here to be with him so I dont really have any friends or family around me at the minute so I am very dependant on him.
A couple of weekends ago he arrives home on the sunday night having worked extra hours all weekend, I was frustrated and he seemed especially distant and down. He finally opened up to me about what was going on and. he said he was very down at the minute and thinks he might be depressed. We talked through it and I said i was pleased he had finally let me know so I could try and help and he agreed he should go talk to someone. The conversation continued finally to the pont where he broke up with me and said he wanted to be alone, didnt know what he wanted and didnt want me drag along with him as he sorted himself out. I was devasted but asked him to take some more time to think about it. In the time he was taking to think about it he was working a lot, went to visit his family and spent time getting high and drunk with his friends. He didnt seem to take it seriously and I felt I was bottom of his priorities. He finally came back to me and said he still wants to break up, but still be best friends and talk all the time, he says he still loves me and cares about me and will always love me.
Because i came to austraila to be with him i now plan on moving back to the Uk as I have nothing here without him. I have to stay for 6 weeks to finish up some work Im commited to. We are still living together in our house and we were getting along so well. I had a lot of really horrible days mainy becacuse I had no one to talk to but him, but he seemed like he was trying to help me through it and be my friend. I ecplained to him that I was kind of expecting him to turn around and realise how stupid he was to break of our relationship. But he says he is not going to and that we want different thigs from life (although he cant give me and example) and things had got too serious (even though it seemed to be what he wanted the whole time) after one particularly heavy conversation we slept with each other.
I noticed he was recieving texts from a girl at hos old work who had started a month before he left. I asked why he was texting her and he said she had just been through a big breakup too and he was just talking to her. The other night he didnt come home, i confronted him in the morning and asked if he was seeing this girl, he said yes. They have aparently been goingnput for drinks and had kissed a few times since pretty mich the day we properly broken up.
This isnt the behaviour of the guy I feel in love with, he has changed so much i barely recognise him. His behaviour right now is so self destructive and worrying. Hes been seeing this girl but says its not serious he doesnt want to be in a relationship and still loves me and wants me as a friend. Im going to be leaving the country soon, so I wont ever see him again which absolutley break my heart as he was my absolute best friend. I dont really know why Im posting this, i just dont have anyone to talk to right now and Im so sad and alone. Im so worried for him but also scared I am being made a fool blaming this on his depression when maybe he is just being an arsehole. He used to be so sweet, loving and so brutally honest, unlike anyone i had ever met, but because of his current behaviour I have lost my boyfriend, my best friend, my job and my whole little life I built. It i so painful but in a few months I can see him coming back to me to say what A huge mistake he has made and by that point It will be too late I will be on the other side of the world. Does anyone think there is any point in me keeping him in my life? Will it be helpful to him if I still support him, becuase I really think he needs me. Sorry dor the really long post, i think I just needed to get everything down.