Posted 8/5/2015 9:17 AM (GMT -6)
Good day, friends. Here I am again with my perennial worries, and the ebb/flow of anxiety attributed to them. You'd think something would have changed, but, alas, no. The reason why is that I am a chicken in confrontation. BF's anxiety triggers mine. I set boundaries, but he continues to test them.
As the summer progresses, bf is (again) getting uptight about the job search. He does better, at times, but then he regresses into confrontation. I had a phone interview Monday, then a follow-up one yesterday. For those keeping score at home, I am waiting to hear back to see if I get an on-site interview.
When BF got home last night, he asked me about the interview. I told him that as far as I was concerned, it went well, that I had ready answers to the questions. Apparently, that wasn't enough. His anxiety seems to require a blow-by-blow coverage. Sometimes, I do not mind this. Other times, it is just over kill. Here are some questions--they seemed to like my answers. It is impossible to tell over the phone whether or not my answers are what they wanted. It is also impossible to do this in face-to-face, since the interviewers are often hiding their 'tells.' So, It *seemed* fine to me.
He says I always say it was fine. Well, it was. Then, out come the accusations. I don't tell him what happened. I never do. I am not giving him an idea of the interview, as if I am deliberately hiding it from him. He stayed upset all evening, and again this morning. He has begun the anxiety-producing morning good-bye, where I am told to work on applications, to keep applying, that I need to focus all of my attention on this, that I am running out of time.
I do not know what to do. I suspect I made a mis-step in the job that seemed certain in May. I was getting so much pressure from him, I probably goofed up. What exactly, I do not know.
I am highly educated and trained. I am very valuable in a narrow swath of opportunities. Other jobs, less so.
While I can set the boundaries of the acceptable discussions between us, that is as far as it goes. I need to gird my loins--insist on couple's counseling. I need to continue to see my therapist to manage my anxiety,and he needs to start to see one (again, and not quit after a few weeks when it becomes hard. [Sorry, snark insert.]) If there is any chance of this having a happy ending,we need three things, a better communication style and more respect/support, and a*^$#%@ job.
I am not sure I feel better,but at least I do not feel alone in my thoughts. I need to do a meditation recording,and look at job openings.