Hello to all
I am new in this forum, but I'm pleased to know that it has advice for many health topics.
I would like to get some opinions about
the things you might do with a man that refuses or is very insecure about
getting any treatment for depression. AND that is far away from were I live.
I knew him online, back in 2009, when I was searching for some concerts tickets in another city. He helped me and we started chatting, we liked each other a lot and agreed to meet up for the concert. He told me he was deppresive and that he thought that he had agoraphobia.
I traveled but sadly he did not make it to the concert. I called him so I could meet him at his home but he shut down. Later on, when I travelled back home, he told me that he couldn't manage to get out of his flat, so he ended up selling his tickets.
He told me that he started to suffer with depression and panic attacks at 16, today he is 38 and he has not received a proper diagnosis. He also has certain type of scoliosis (nothing super serious) in his back and for some irrational reason he thinks that this issue is the root of his problems. In his eyes he thinks he is deformed.
Later on I traveled to meet him in 2011. We were together for a month, and that helped me to see directly how his life is with these illnesses. Before this visit he had been living with a steady partner for 6 months and obviously we had some conflicts for this reason.
In this time I saw that he hardly leaves his flat becuase he suffers with panic attacks, he lives on his sofa (he does not rest in his bed), his sleep patterns are a mumble jumble, drinks beer and smokes a lot, he has a very negative image of himself, he doesn't have a job, he doesn´t feel able visit anyone, or to go to any public places, shops, buses, the street and so on. We managed to go to a cinema, some BBQs with his family and we also made the arrangements for his passport.
In that opportunity I saw that he needs a lot of assistance from his mother, she visit's him 3-4 times in a week.
In that visit I was mourning the recent death of 2 relatives from terminal illnesses. So I was not in my 100%. What a situation indeed.
Saying goodbye after that visit was hell. I was very worried about
this health, but I did not insist a lot about
him looking for medical treatment. I really wish I knew more about
how to help a depressed one in that time.
After that visit we kept talking but we did not have the chance to see each other. I did not have enough income and with all those health problems he just couldn't travel. Despite this I started to search for medical help and support groups in this city...for him and his mum.
I have always kept contact with his mother, she is very kind with me and I can talk to her
her son's health problems. I just couldn't be alone with all this.
In the end of 2013 I had a work trip and I managed to visit him again. I only stayed for one week, but I took the medical information and gave it to his mother. He gets very pissed when someone talks about
Right now he can only imagine two solutions for this situation:
1. Dying (he is convinced that he is going to die in the next 2 or 3 years because his parents are old and if they die, no one will take care of him)
2. Living with someone else in his flat, like a girlfriend or a wife. He says that this will be a motivation for searching help. He says that he needs someone that gives up her life at least for some years in order to live with him and help him out. But in my mind I think that this is such a heavy burden for anyone, it sound like he is looking for a saviour, a kind of magical solution and that is not realistic. And he is locked up in this option...if this does not happen he does not want to try any other thing.
Going back home on this second visit was very sad too. Seeing him in worst conditions than in 2011, he couldn't even stand his shoes because he did not get out of his flat between October 2011 to October 2013 was shattering for me. He was very mad at me, he had a very impulsive reaction, saying that I harmed him and that he felt abandoned.
He did not seem to understand that I just can't leave my life in another city all of a sudden. And he does not understand yet that he NEEDS medical help. I would reconsider things if he would accept and start to receive therapy and medicine. BTW he takes clonazepam...when he's in crisis.
In the end of 2014 his father had a something like a brain stroke, and during all this year he has been on a medical treatment to walk again. And to complete this complicated situation, 3 months ago his favorite uncle died of a heart attack.
But I think that this has made him think a bit. He is going to visit his father (he has not visited him in the last year ked:shoc: ) OMG. Obviuosly he is very scared because he will see a lot of changes in this family.
He also started to organize his house because it was very messed up. But then he discovered some damages in his clothes made by his cat, and believe me or not...this put him down again.
I would visit him again, but I am afraid that I would only make things worse.
What would you do?
And a big thank you to all those who manage to read this post. Thank you for your comments