Thank you Pitmom. I had never thought about
it like that. Even cried when I read what you wrote. I think you have hit the nail on the head. Your right ... I just dont feel normal at all.
how I felt when my mum passed away some years back, its not exactly the same by any stretch but on the physical side the numb, shut off feeling is very close.
I dont want to sound like a victim but to answer your question yes I was rather bullied as my upbringing was in a violent drug and alcohol addicted household. I wont go into detail but it was bad and it was rough, however things I did not carry on like that once I left home, and have many years of counselling for it though I know I have not undone all the damage from there. In general Im ok at standing up for myself when being attacked, but yes we are taught to trust the advice we get from these professionals and it seems I drew the short straw on getting a caring one this time around.
Stupid thing is I have absolutely no conscious fear my partner will be bothered. He is really the most gentle and caring guy and barely even tries to push the boundaries that have placed themself around me. He tells me often that hes looking forward to when I can be comfortable with myself just for my own sake. I know he loves my new look and my old one. No lack of confidence thinking he would prefer anyone else as he communicates his wishes to be with me forever as much now as he did before they were removed and hes seen me at some of my worst. True friend. Ive changed, he hasnt.
I just havent come to terms with how it feels for me I guess.
Getting by it has been 10 months. The thing is Im not beating myself up, not consciously. I do not put myself down for them I just feel like something that was alive before died when they were taken and could not put any logic to it, because they do look great. I truly expected to be somewhat used to them by now. I mean Im used to the feel of them, but just couldnt seem to put my finger on why Im still so depressed. Its not like I focus attention on hating them and spend a lot of energy trying to simply forget them. I wish I was as lucky as you. To be honest the way I feel is not matching any logic, until reading Pitmoms post and that is what has been conflicting for me.
BnotAfraid .. you are right, no teeth doesnt make you a woman but this has nothing to do with vanity. It feels as if you have misjudged things about
me. I am not american and having worked for 10 years in a strip club .. I have always been ok with how I personally looked and as I mentioned my new teeth look perfect. If looks were the issue I would be happy .. not wanting my imperfect 6 teeth back. I didnt want my old teeth gone, I was told it was the only thing I could do only to find later that there were many things that could have been tried before he pushed me down this path.
When you work in that environment with a good bunch of girls like I had on my team you are brainwashed to be confident in your own skin and know your own value no matter what you look like as we learnt many times .. the gorgeous girl
opens her mouth and ruins all her pretty while the average girls
open their mouth and become absolute gorgeous wonder. Its all personality.
If you ever lose your teeth and get dentures, which I truly hope to whatever god there is to pray to out there that you dont, you will then understand this is far from a vanity issue and also not an issue born from being brainwashed from advertising
I do thank you for your time to read and reply. I very much appreciate the peace wishes. I sure hope I can somehow find some of that within myself over this one. I just expected
I will very much take Pitmoms advice and search for a forum of people who have come to adjust to the loss of some part of their body gone, get some help on how to deal with the grief. I guess I had just expected to be feeling ok about
myself by now and highly underestimated the impact this would have on me.
Post Edited (Missum) : 10/3/2015 3:24:36 PM (GMT-6)