depressed to the point that I just want to throw in the towel and just give up

Hi All,
I am so depressed that I have lost the zeal for life. I don't feel anything anymore just numbness and feel helpless and out of control. I am afraid that I may loose what I have left of what I call sanity.

meds currently on:
pentasa - chron's
remicade - chron's
atacand - bp
actonel - bone denisty chron's again
vicadin - pain from surgery
oxycotin - pain from surgery

mistdancer

Hello Mistdancer,

With chronic illness depression is an almost certain partner. Please, please tell your primary care doc about your depression. There are anti-d's available which are quite helpful in treating this type of depression.

Good luck friend!!

Blessings!

---

In His Grip,

Hi AlwaysRosie,
Thanks for the feedback, I will talk to them about it. I wish I could reflect your names sake.

Thanks,
mistdancer

I wish I had a dime for everytime I wanted to give up. I ran into a guy years ago who was disabled from a motorcycle accident. He said if he had a button to push to end it all, he would have pushed it a million times over, but yet, he's still here. So, I use his button analogy so when I say I want to push the button, that's rock bottom. I don't know what gets me up again. I guess I just keep thinking, if I push the button, then, that's it. There's no way anything will ever get better. At least with each awakening, there's always a new possibility of hope.

I've talked to my doctors about my depression. They always just want to put me on new meds, which I won't do. about 3 years ago, my cervical cancer went into remission. At that time, I bought a brand new 2003 Ford F150 truck. I've always wanted a lifted truck. I couldn't afford it because I live on SSDI but bought it anyway. I've built this truck into a magazine feature story and award winner. It's the best distraction for me. Alot of people donated equipment that's on it because they heard my story. I have nerve damage on my spinal cord that affects my arms plus I have Fibromyalgia.  I did the paint work on it myself and alot of the mechanical stuff. I taught myself everything. I even taught myself to rebuild the top end of my Miata motor, just to keep my mind of everything else.

Since we have to live with depression the rest of our lives, find the biggest distraction you can find. Something that will keep your mind off everything and throw yourself into it. I recognize when my depression gets worse because I don't want to go anywhere, I just want to stay home and never leave the house. I literally have to force myself to get out and I'm always glad I did. It still doesn't make it any easier though because this weekend, I have to force myself all over again.

Just know you're not alone. We're all here to listen. If you need a shoulder, just email me anytime.

Christine

Thanks everyone for the wondeful replies. I appreciate it. I went and talked to the doc today and she put me on wellbutrin. Don't know to much about it, but I hope it works.
Thanks,
mistdancer

I don't have anything new to offer, just support. We have those, "What's the point?" days. It sounds as if you have had a long, rough road.

Good luck with the Wellbutrin. Hope you are feeling better soon.
(Love your name . . .)

Peace and hugs,

Sadsunshine

I am on Wellbutrin. That's the only thing that has worked for me. I'm on about 400 mg right now. I still don't feel 'happy' and I've been on this for years. My doctor said first you feel normal, then happy. Well, not sure about normal either but I just hate the side effects of the other meds.

---

Fibromyagia since 1997

Hi Red Rose,

Antidepressants are not "happy pills", I wish they were. They just keep you from feeling the debilitating lows that comes with depression, and having the "hopeless" feeling. I have been on Remeron for awhile, and there are times I do feel really good, and times that I feel just so-so. You can still feel some depression while on antidepressants, but you won't get the horrible lows that come with depression. If your doctor told you would be happy from being on Wellbutrin, he/she is mistaken. It is sad that Doctors do not know more about antidepressants to make these kind of false claims. No antidepressant can make anyone happy. Also, it is a good idea to get talk therapy as well..antidepressants work well, but they can't do it all. I feel a combination of both can really help. Good luck!

Hey mistdancer,

I hope your Wellbutrin works well for you. Lots of good advice in this string . . . and I think "happiness" is a way of thinking as opposed to "not being depressed" . . . just like Rianna says.

BTW: My nickname comes from my chronic illness (Lupus) wich gives me red cheeks. So I named myself AlwaysRosie!! Taaaaa Daaaaa People think I have chapped cheeks or too much makeup on . . . truth is, I only wear lipstick. But I really do try to have a good attitude about things (glass is half-full as opposed to half-empty). Life is to short to waste any time.

I hope you'll report your progress with the Wellbutran. You may have a doozy headache initially . . . but work through those first couple weeks and you might find yourself in better spirits. When my first anti-d started working, I thought that everyone around me was being especially nice. LOL it took me a few days to realize it was the way I was receiving info that had changed, not the people around me.

Blessings!

---

In His Grip,