Like a deer in headlights....

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/3/2005 12:44 PM (GMT -6)   
I haven't been here for a while. I've read some recent posts from some of you, expressing how alone you feel. I understand and I hope you find someone to turn to. I too am looking for someone to help me. My depression surfaced after I realized my complusive gambling addiction. Once all was revealed (the debts, betrayal etc.) my life is no longer the same. I've lost my husband, my friends and I'm losing my family. Everyone and everthing I loved is now lost. I'm responsible for all of the pain and suffering. My sister is going through chemo treatments for cancer this week...she's fighting for her life, while I have destroyed mine. I've been with my sister emotionally and physically to support her and help her travel with this horrible disease...I'll never let her down during her illness or when she's well again. Trouble is I have let myself down. I've been involved in regular counselling (for gamblers and depression)...I haven't gambled in a several months but my depression is severe. I am 49yrs old, have a steady secure job, but I've missed a great deal of work lately. I am in financial dire the point of no return. Counsellors have been helpful in assisting me in my emotional journey, but no one, I do mean no one, has been able to help me in my financial recovery. The burden is enormous and without concrete, realistic help, I can't walk,talk or breath without worry. I'm hanging on for my sister, I'm trying to regain my spirit and I'm praying for a miracle...or two. I try with every ounce of my being to hold my head high and search for answers...I've reached out to those I thought could guide burden is too much for anyone else to bear. I know I have to do this on my own, but I'm stumped and a deer in headlights.

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/3/2005 4:59 PM (GMT -6)   
justjay. I am so sorry that you are going through that. But just keep in mind that you can over come everything and anything as long as you put your mind to it. And this site is wonderful because the people will help you and you will alwayz have someone to talk to when you are in here. I hope everything gets better for you and if u ever need someone to talk to just find me. Best of luck

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 11/4/2005 9:21 AM (GMT -6)   
justjay-have you seen a lawyer.  Perhaps there is a way you can file bancruptcy and get a fresh start. 
Don't be so down on yourself.  You havn't gambled in several months.  Thats an achievement.  Don't dwell on the damage that was done in the past, put together a plan for the future and stick to it. Practice looking ahead, never back.   Keep looking for resources and beware of scams.  Use the knowledge you have gained to pull yourself up  and  help others in your shoes, its very uplifting. 
Good luck. 

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/4/2005 10:56 AM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry that you are going thru a really bad time in your life, and I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I agree with diamond about filing for bankruptcy..maybe this is the route to take, my friend had to do this and it stayed on their credit for 4 yrs but at least it cleared everything for them to get a fresh start in life again. Please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. and if you don't mind I would like to hear the progress of your sister.

Fibromyaligia, dx Oct 2004 but we are sure I have had this for about 4-5 yrs maybe longer.
Chronic fatigue Syndrome dx 1995
Anxiety/Panic attacks dx 1990
M.S. dx June 29th 2005
Anemia dx Jan 2005
Depression..lets just say for a while now.

Meds: Amitriptyline
Ferrous Glouconate
Ibuprofen 600mg
and soon to start on
Rebif or Avenox

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/4/2005 2:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow! thanks to lil, annie &'s incredible how strangers can be the very people to offer support. I much appreciate your kindness. I noticed you are all going through difficult times, no one seems to be exempt from that. One thing for sure, dreams & hope are the one thing we all have day, the laughter & sunshine will return....for all of us.  Again, my sincere thanks.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 11/5/2005 12:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome Jay!

And Congratulations on your several months with no gambling!!!

I'm sure that you began that journey with one step at a time. You'll do the same thing to get your life back in order. Every journey begins with one step and that is all we can do is put one foot in front of the other.

I'm so sorry that your sister is having such a hard road. She must be very greatfull to have your help.

Don't give up on your family sis . . . they need time to process it and they'll have to learn how to trust again. You'll be a very new and even more special person as you find your way through this hard time.

Keep us posted!!

In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel (Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D,)

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 11/5/2005 7:18 AM (GMT -6)   
My depression many years ago was so great and lasted so long, that at the end of it, I had exactly four friends left. (Family all lives 2,000 miles away.)

After the depression lifted and I got back on my feet, I didn't want rats who deserted this sinking ship in my life. I appreciated my friends who stood by me, and swore I'd make it up to them. It's been 30 years and I did make it up. I fulfilled their dreams--and on a secretary's salary. I gave one car, two a trip to Australia, and bailed the other out of debt. I did without of what I wanted for me to do it.

By the way, thirty years ago the divorce that drove me to that depression left me $40,000 in debt, and I paid that too. There is a brighter future than you see now, and it can be better than anything from your past.


UC Dude
Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 11/5/2005 10:08 AM (GMT -6)   
I would suggest you get some help with the financial side of the equation. If you have a steady job there should be a way that you can work through it. Perhaps you will need to make some dramatic changes in your lifestyle. My take is that you will never feel whole until you feel in control and good about yourself. Taking charge and finding a way to pay back your debts is an important part. Bankruptcy is a cop out in my opinion and defers you the opportunity to fully learn from this experience.

Use the counseling opportunities to truly learn why you have made the bad choices that you have and work to avoid them in the future.

Good luck and best to you.

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/6/2005 3:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Bev, Rosie, Uc...thanks to all of you for your encouragement & advice.
Take care.....
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