Trying to help a friend

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Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 11/6/2005 10:39 PM (GMT -6)   
I normanly hang out in the Migrain posts. I used to work with my friend but had to quit or I was going to have a break down like her. I know alot of her problem is that job. She spent some time in the hospital & several months off of work. During that time she could not bring herself to do or go out anywhere. She is now back to work part time & it seems like she is starting to have a hard time at it again. The Dr told her that she can go back to work full time again in 3 weeks (now 2 weeks) She is really having a hard time again. I do not kow what to do for her, how to help her. I let her know I am here anytime & the one time that she was able to muster up the nerve to meet me for lunch she did have a good time. I told her that she is welcome to come over to my house to workout a couple nights a week if she likes. I know that helps me when I was having a hard time. But I really don't see it happening, I see her coming up with excuses not to do it. I know she is not ready to go back to work full time & I know she needs to find a new job. But she has been there for yrs & makes over in. wage & as decent Vacation built up. When I worked there we heald each other together but she knew I to get out of there & it was the following week that she ended up in the hospital. I don't want to see her there again but like I said I am at a loss. Any suggestions?

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 11/7/2005 2:22 PM (GMT -6)   
There's a saying that you should keep in mind. "You can't teach a drowning man how to swim." What that means in this case is don't say the job is bad you need to get out of there (hard, I know). Don't say come over to work out (you guessed right). Instead you go to where she is. You call. You do the work of keeping her out and about. Keep a mental note of what she does and remind her that she has come a long way, by recounting accomplishments. Finally give her little assignments. Have her call each you each evening after work, to let you know how her day went. Since you know the work place give her assignments for there too--it might be to copy something from the bulletin board for you or to give a message to someone. Just little things, so she has something positive (doing a small favor for a friend) to think about during her day--you might even encourage silent or mental rebellion--things like wondering what someone looks like naked--again to get her to think about things that might put a smile on her face. And do things like you already did--have her meet you for lunch.

People make excuses for a couple of reasons--but generally fear of change is behind them. Tell her, "the smallest change is the best change." Get her thinking about small changes rather than big sweeping ones. That way she can find her own answers and get up the courage to follow through.

I hope this helps and good luck,

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