Posted 2/3/2016 9:29 AM (GMT -6)
My depressed girlfriend [F28] recently pushed me [M33] away and broke up with me 6 weeks ago, as she said she can't cope with the 'pressure' of a relationship right now, and that she "needs to sort herself out on her own". She said that I deserve better, that she's not good enough for me and that she feels like she is a burden to me. She told me she wishes she could be a better person for me but her depression is getting the better of her. I'm heartbroken. She said she knows she will regret letting "someone as amazing" as me go, but she needs to "prove to herself that she can be OK on her own". She told me she didn't want to date anyone else, but just wants to sort her head out alone.
She said there is nothing wrong with me, or our relationship, but there is something wrong with her and she can't give me as much as I give her until she fixes herself. I've stood by her, encouraged her and supported her for the last 6 months of depression during the 2.5+ year relationship and I can't understand why she would want to go through this on her own now? The week, and even the day before she broke up with me, we were literally planning the year (holidays, weekends away, visits), were having regular sex and she was still affectionate (holding hands, cuddling on the sofa etc). The break up came as a huge shock.
We saw each other for the first time since the split on a couple of weeks ago, and we were laughing and joking like always. She was obviously upset about the break and cried a lot. She was hugging/cuddling me as we were talking things through. When I said I had to leave, she got really sad and asked me to stay a bit longer. She mentioned that she would love to meet up with me "once she feels better", but that I shouldn't "wait for her". I told her I'd always be here for her, and not to worry about me as I have a lot to focus on in my life right now. She told me she loved me four times and that she was really missing me, and finding it hard without me. Then when I did leave, she messaged me saying "I'm really upset now you've gone. Was really good to see you. Don't be a stranger, I love you x x".
I then proceeded to cut contact with her for 2 weeks (to give her the space she wanted), apart from sending one message to check she's ok. However, since last Wednesday, she's initiated contact in some way (texts, Snapchat, FB/Twitter likes) in 6 out of those 7 days. I was tagged in a FB picture, she messaged me say the picture "made her really happy". I posted a Twitter selfie, she messaged me and then said I'm "looking handsome". She's sent me Snapchat pictures of her reading a book I bought her, and one of her outside our favourite bar when she was walking past. She's liked every one of my Twitter/Facebook posts (4 of them). She keeps bringing up past dates and 'relationshippy' things we've done together in messages. She messaged me one afternoon to say "I'm so down today, I wish I could see you", so I phoned her that night to check she was OK. We chatted and laughed for ages and she said she loved speaking to me again, and that she's missing me. I suggested we should meet up but she said "maybe, I could do this weekend as I have no plans, but I'll let you know". I left it a day and followed up about her coming to see me, but she said she can't. And didn't give me a reason why. I asked why she couldn't come, and she said she might be seeing her friends now but she's tired and just wants a rest. She apologised but didn't suggest another time. I'm feeling pretty hurt about this. I feel like I've been led a merry dance. Why do/say all those things then pull out like that?
I don't understand the last week. Was she reaching out to me because she wants me back? Why wouldn't she just tell me that? Or was she bored/lonely/sad and reached out to me to cheer her up or give her some company? My view is that she is depressed, she's pushed the closest thing to her away (me) thinking it will help but now she's really missing me and maybe realised I wasn't the problem, and maybe she was happier with me? But then to build my hopes up then completely crush me again has hurt me a lot. When she told me she couldn't visit, I didn't reply, but since then she sent me 3 Snapchats on Friday, Saturday & Sunday of random things in her life (picture of her coffee, her and her cat & a picture of her with her sister's son). I've not replied to those, should I have done?
Where do I go from here?