Existentialist Angst - HELP!

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Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/10/2005 9:49 PM (GMT -6)   
I am a twenty one year old boy-man. I don't know if my problem qualifies as "depression" but I couldn't find any other suitable category.
I have always been a happy kinda guy. I have a good life. A happy family. A girlfriend who I live with. I also go to university. The problem is recently I've started thinking too much. I think too much about the meaning of things, about useless things. I am aware that this is a complete waste of time but I can't help myself. I feel as though I'm slowly losing my personality in place of a paranoid, senseless contemplation. I have a vague notion of where I'm going but I always doubt myself. I feel like what I say isn't really me. It's things that have been said before, lines I've picked up from movies, things my parents said. I worry too much about who I am and what others think of me. I manage to distract myself with hobbies like playing instruments and wallowing in videogames or in my girlfriend's arms - but when I'm by myself I feel like I can't trust my thoughts because they are all over the place and disorganised.
I can't smoke marijuana anymore because it turns me into a tomato and what's worse is I can see myself in this disgraceful state but I can't do anything to stop it. I feel like I have no defined personality. I am afraid that if I define myself in this way or that way I will be closing doors on other things. I don't wanna live like Sysiphus eternally bound to roll that huge rock up the hill and then watch it roll back down again and so on and so forth for ever and ever, because what is the point of that?
Right now it's time to go to sleep but I am awake, in a limbo. Worrying about things instead of doing things. I wish I was an ignorant prejudiced man. At least I would be happy and cosy in my ignorance.

Can anyone give me any advice? I know my worries probably don't fit right in this forum but it's the first one I came across and I was lazy to look for another one.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 11/11/2005 12:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Morcego,

You sound very much like a dear friend of mine. I am tempted to believe that the pot is the problem. In my friend's case it was definately the problem and the paranoya went with it.

You have really taken a huge step by writing out your feelings. Have you thought of talking to a counseler about this?? Maybe a professional would have some good answers for you. Meanwhile, I hope that some of the other members here can give some advice.

In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 798
   Posted 11/11/2005 8:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Morcego. Marijuana definetely causes one to dwell too much on things. It's not good for over thinkers :-) Also, at your age I worried about where I was going and what others thought about me also. Still do at times and I'm 38. We are molded by movies, friends, our parents, etc... so what you say is really you.

You sound like you are just trying to figure out your place in the world Morcego, I hope you find it :-)
Take care, Softy

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