Posted 5/15/2016 11:24 PM (GMT -6)
I get really attached to older women that I guess are kind of authority figures, so they kind of seem motherly, and I guess I want them to adopt me or something. For example, the first time I remember this happening it was with my high school English teacher. We were close, and I cried so much when I graduated, and it took me a long time to get over that. We emailed for a while, but as usual those things have a way of fading out. But now I'm in my 30s, and I'm still doing it. Except now instead of teachers, it's doctors or therapists. It's like I have a hole in my heart where the connection with my mom should be, and when someone listens to me and understands and takes my concerns seriously, they fill that in for me. And then I'm off on my obsessive overly attached journey with them. And then I live in fear of losing them, and if I do lose them, it pulls me into a depression so deep. I'm inconsolable. Sometimes if I even think they're mad at me or I did something wrong, I panic and want to make it right, and I feel sick until it's resolved. I've googled this, and I've seen older posts about this on other forums. But I'd really love to talk to someone that understands this feeling. I think there's a lot of overlap with depression and people whose mother and/or father didn't listen to their feelings and take them seriously and then trying to fill that void with other mother or father figures.