A name I havent seen in awhile! I don't know what to say, about being dx. In away I hope that you don't have crohn's, but I know what it also feels like to not know > which I think is WORSE.
When I read your post, it brought a smile to my face and some held back tears... Thank you for the hug....
Each day seems to get worse. I've set up a will, and being stuck in this house has left me to believe everyone is out to get me. I don't really believe that, but my ex's is really angry with a couple of choices I made and has always threatened me with either committin suicide if I left him, or he would kill me if I left him, either way I never felt safe. Now that we are divorced, I still wonder whats going on in his mind and at times because of how much my mother loved him, if they are in kahootz together. As silly as that sounds, I know in reality that though it's possible, its the most absurd idea. But I have always been sound. Looking at things that have happened in my life, that they happen for a reason, to either make me grow stronger in faith or that something good would come out of it~ like learning patience with all these friggen doctors I have. GI doc, OBGYN doc, Rheumy Doc, Primary Doc, life would be so much easier if I just had ONE, who knew ME & MY BODY! But I suppose thats asking for too much.
I am seeing this therapist (er up till my insurance got cancelled) She was soothing my "inner thoughts" by trying this therapy on me for people who have PTSD. At first, I thought ok~ this is weird. But this lady tapped on my knees, one knee then the other repeatingly over and over like a swinging pendillum that makes people hyptomized. I closed my eyes while she did this and my eyes, my mom said starting to go back and forth like that in REM. I instantly went back to a day when I was a little girl, I could feel, see, and hear everything that was going on back then just like as if I was there. But I started crying, something happened I guess when I was little that you'd say was my first PTSD episode, I had blocked it outta my mind for so long and this lady had brought it up to NOW! She says there is a part of the brain that wont uhm, finish the processing thing.... Example~ if you had a car accident and relive it over and over, it hasn't been processed in the brain the right way. So you go into like a R.E.M sleep and relive it there and for some reason it does what it is suppose to do and you don't forget what happened but you don't dwell on it... Not exactly sure what she called it but they have been doing it since early 90's and are just starting to bring it out in therapy for people with ptsd. Getting told you are going to have a dibelating nasty disease for the rest of your life could be an good example as ptsd. It's trauma, it causes depression and anxiety. Which both I've already have prior to dx'd. Anyway, was just making progress and then BOOM no insurance no service. Still lookin into Bev, said about Cobra... I sure hope I'm entitled. Insurance agents wont or dont usually accept "pre-existing conditions" So Im depressed about that too.. I'm hoping that this will all go away sooon........ the pain, the emotions, fears and irrational fears. I just gotta start believing again. Pending doom, afraid of everything worrying from kids, to my mother and my health and the stress of my reality, no healthcare atm. is too much!
Thanks again Softy, I don't visit as often anymore.. so Im so longwinded hehe but knowing I'm not alone helps too. And Bev I respect your beliefs, I thank you for the knowledge and especially sharing with me about your divorce.... divorce an ugly word, but has been the only thing to make feel independant again, even when I need to accept help from others.. bah
Balance of Nature
Life can be like a passing storm. It can be devasting & destructive but can also show you things that you would have never seen if only the sun shined. Storms eventually pass & storms will definitely come again. Just try & rebuild what it's destroyed in the meantime, because life does go on. Be thankful for the sun & the rain, for in this life you need both. You cannot appreciate one without having the other.. ~Nature's Spirit