Even if we did understand exactly how you felt (and I do think I understand some, if not all, of it), it doesn't help you if you cannot moderate your behaviour
in the real world. You're probably right: the other people probably did wrong as well. But look around you: how many guys lose their homes and end up in jail? Very few, apart from deliberate criminals, which you clearly are not. There is something wrong with the way you interact with women.
I can't say what it is exactly. But it's obviously something to do with making the women feel harrassed, uncomfortable or even threatened. I doubt that's your conscious intention, but to the women who experience it doesn't matter. They felt uncomfortable enough that it has had serious repercussions on your life. You really, really, really need to take responsibility for this and stop saying bland things like "things got out of hand" or "we're only human". There was obviously more to it than that.
I wish there was a decent therapist you could see, because I don't think words on a screen are going to help you very much. I think you need face-to-face help and sadly that is lacking in austerity Britain. There are some therapists who offer reduced fees for people on a low income, if therapy on the NHS is impossible to get. As for anxiety, I think you are using that as an excuse to avoid doing anything. It's highly unpleasant, but it won't kill you. Even if you are a quivering, terrified jelly throughout you can still do stuff. I suffer from anxiety myself; 95% of the time I find the anticipation worse than the actual event itself. Even if I don't enjoy the event, it's virtually never as bad as my dread beforehand made it seemed.
Re your past. Most people don't reveal a lot about
themselves to acquaintances. You don't need to talk about
every aspect of your life to somebody you've only just met. People, in my experience, aren't that curious about
your past life; you can get away with being pretty vague. You definitely do not need to mention jail. Learn how to make small talk about
things like movies or the recent news. Watch how other people speak and see how trivial it (mostly) is. Most people have secrets; but most people also keep them secret!
Re bidding for your flat. Yeah, unfortunately the guy you spoke to was spot on about
that: you stop becoming eligible for a housing association property once you move into private renting. Private renting doesn't have many protections, plus it's hard to find landlords who will take folks on housing benefit (and if you get switched over to universal credit it will become even harder). Yes, bidding is a waste of time, but everyone has to do it and it takes literally 5 minutes a week: just find 3 properties to bid on, done. Hopefully you can find a way to manage being at home in the meantime.
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay )
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, diets.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current status: Chronic flare. Do I have any other kind?
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; waiting for funding for Entyvio