New to Forum not Depression

 Hello darkness my old friend...I am giving away my age remembering that...

Welcome to HW ..and you are not alone its cold on rhe other side of this wonderful country too no snow thou.
You will find alot of caring and wonderful people here who will always listen and try to help out when they can even if its a place to vent you are welcome to do that to ..have you seen a doc about the way you feel?Hope you feel better and remember there are people allways here ...we all care...

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God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Jinxed welcome to the HW family, You are not alone here, someone will be here to listen and offer any kind of support we can,

First of all, sorry it took me so long to get back to you. We were handed our new project a couple of days ago. We have to design and print pamphlets that would be for patients as if we were working in a real clinic already

so far I have managed to design one for someone who might be getting a needle biopsy (breast biopsy)  we not only have to design these things, we have to write a letter creating letterhead, and inform the "patient" that this is what they need to do, this is where they need to go, how long the procedure will take, and if there is parking available and if they will need a friend or family to pick them up

oh yes, and we have to make a requisition form for the diagnostic procedures.

I also have to work on one for bone marrow extraction, and an amniocnetesis...women here will know what that is

so long way to get to this...I have been swamped

the depression is, if possible, worse, and I am having trouble convincing myself that this is all going to be worth it

I mean really, what if the next MS relapse is the one I do not recover from, the best I would be able to get employment wise would be a boring medical transcription job, you can transcribe from a wheelchair, I checked

I now also know that it is not my imagination, the people I thought I was getting along with are all slowly backing away and not talking to me anymore

the one person I thought was my friend doesn't call me anymore, and she is so distant

I give up

there is no point to trying to make friends anymore, after 36 years of being bluntly told by all manners possible I haven't learned completely that I am a freak and no one wants me around

I think the reason I wanted to be interned at a morgue is because at least the dead don't talk back or talk behind your back or make you feel like a freak...they're dead...

it's the living I cannot seem to get along with

and yes i know I should not feel this way

I need to shut up and get off the depression track

I need to be tough and just stow it

the only problem is that I am so deep in this pit that I cannot seem to find a way out

i have talked to a doctor, all they want to do is prescribe pills that will give me horrible side effects and make things worse

I need to be medication free, I have to monitor myself carefully because I want to be aware if the MS goes back into a relapse and not have symptoms masked

I'm also trying like hell to hide the fact that I am so depressede from my 14 year old daughter and my room mate

they have their own stuff to do, they don't need to listen to me

I hate feeling like this

I hate being me

sorry for being such a downer

J

"There is a woman in our class who no one will talk to because she has lied and caused so much trouble, including cheating on tests that she has absolutely no one to talk to anymore. I feel like her. Not a friend in the class."

"The one person I talk to and am "friends" with treats her the exact same way she treats me. She listens to what this woman has to say, she is polite and never reveals how she feels about her to her face, and she never shows her dislike for her in any way, what if she is doing the same thing with me?"

"I feel like she is humoring me as well, that she really doesn't like me and would be happier if I just went away."

The person sounds to me like someone who had it very bad, got better, and really cares about people--all people. If that is the case, there is a sense of humoring people--but not like you mean. It's humoring by listening, taking mental notes, and caring--while keeping one's own borders. You probably sense the borders, and they make you nervous and untrusting of her. Try to go with the flow, relax, and enjoy her company.

bev