Posted 1/15/2017 12:22 PM (GMT -6)
It's good to hear from you.
I've been in some of the same situations you've been in.
You say, "I have no income coming in,"
Being in a bad home environment, and having no income to get out, does create a much more difficult problem.
It's good that you can reach out for help with your computer without having to leave your house.
You say, "I just recently moved and know no one so I have no one to talk to," which can create further isolation.
You say, "I don't have supportive parents so I don't really talk much to them,"
You say, "I've tried therapist but no one has helped and I haven't connected with any"
You say, "I stated I don't have relationships with my parents but right now I'm actually living with my father since I can't afford a place of my own. It's very awkward and an anxiety ridden environment to be in. He has a stressful job and is always angry when he gets home and usually takes it out on me (verbally). I feel like I'm walking on pins and needles at our apartment and even when I think I have a decent day..the second he comes home and is extremely stressed and agitated it just makes me go into this anxious state and I end up feeling depressed"
I know you must feel boxed in everywhere you turn. I've felt like that myself. I had a horrible marriage in which my wife was cheating and wanted me to move out, except we were buying a house, and two, I wasn't working much of that time with my bipolar, and couldn't afford to move and wasn't going to give her my half of the house anyway, Plus we had a child of 3 when this started, and I wasn't going to leave my child.
So, I was kinda torn several ways, also. One thing that happened was that after awhile I started getting chest pain and didn't know where it was coming from, for I had been in the bad marriage so long, I didn't know it was connected to that.
I tried to keep my grandson during the day, and he cried and hurt my ears to where I couldn't drive or ride in a car. Then I got to where I couldn't even leave my house for there was an occasional unexpected train whistle every now and then. I couldn't even walk in my back driveway, because the train whistle might go off.
So, I know what trapped is. I couldn't ride in a car for 6 years.
Oh, and my wife would be giving me a difficult time all during this, and she would get my now teenage son on her side to ignore me all day long. She died of a long illness 7 years ago, and then my son took over given me a hard time for those 7 years.
In the last year, I've realized how much trouble he's caused me and basically on Christmas Day, I called it quits with him, his wife and my two grandchildren, because they're connected with him.
Those problems started when he was 3, he is now basically 43, so it took me 40 years to get through that, and then a new set of problems started. So, I have an idea of what you're going through.
With your parents bragging on your brother when you're in a down position, makes it worse.
Are you able to get out and around? Do you have a car you can use during the day or get somebody to drive you?
Can you get public transportation? Can you get a cab? How do you get to your therapist? Can you get somewhere during the day like a hospital and do volunteer work a couple times a week.
Something that has helped me is, One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem.
At your volunteer job, you might meet someone you can talk to, who can give you the name of a therapist, who can....