I am feeling very frightened and anxious after seeing my Dad today. He is 88, still works and in good health - even after two heart attacks, a triple by-pass six years ago and a six-bypass surgery four years ago. Today he came to visit from Florida and we had lunch together. He said he feels like an old man now and has been weak for the past two years and can't travel like he used to. He said he worries about me a lot and will not be around forever to take care of me when I get laid off my jobs or lose them with bills etc. I told him about my recent job disappointment at the Investment company and he was not happy about that. He wants to see me with a stable job, I told him I was trying, but that times were tough for everyone, and unfortunately, jobs come and go and the economy is not good, many people are losing their jobs. He worries as I don't have a nest egg, and have been unable to keep a job for any length of time. I told him I would be okay, but not sure if I will be..I have no idea what I will do when he passes. I keep thinking, when he goes, I will too, as I will not be able to take care of myself, rent, car payment, bills, school loans. It is very hard to work with depression and anxiety problems, even on medication, as medication can stop working..and have to start all over again.
Well, sorry this letter was depressing, I am having an off day and was wondering if anyone goes through this when they visit their aging parents and have this kind of talk with them. It is scary and I am feeling panicked and anxious. Unfortunately, I have had to be financially dependent with my Dad, as there have been times I have been unable to pay rent, car payment or bills the times I have lost jobs. This happens (anxiety and sadmess) everytime I see my Dad and I realize his health is starting to deteriorate. I worry so much about what will become of me. I am single, live on my own and no boyfriend or family other than my Dad.
Thanks for listening.