Posted 12/11/2005 11:48 AM (GMT -7)
Hi everyone! I've been searching for a new forum to join and decided since I'm suffering from depression... why not come to one where people actually understand my emotions. So, that's how I came across this one :)
I'm not quite sure what kind of depression I have. I've thought for along time that it was postpartum depression... but now I'm starting to have second thoughts.
I've been on meds (Welbutrin) now for about a month and things are starting to sink in a little. Although, I'm not out of the woods yet.
Things really started getting bad when my husband left for training. He's been gone since May and that's the hardest part of the whole thing. He seems like the only one who fully understands me and doesn't judge me. I've seen him off and on through this past 7 1/2 months... which has helped a little. But I noticed things really get out of control back in Sept.
This is kind of embarassing, but I'm sure most of you will understand. Since my husband and I haven't seen each other in a while and I finally get my libido back after having our daughter... we were a little antsy. Well, I'm currently living with my parents while he's away... and while he was on one of his courses he was only a little over an hour away. So, the only place we had any privacy was in our car.
Anyways, to make a long story short. I ended up injuring my back pretty bad because of that. I ended up slipping a disc and buldged out and pressed against my sciatic nerve. If any of you have ever had this... you know it's extremely painful. I seriously couldn't sit for about 2 full months. And here I was... playing the single mom role... and trying to take care of our daughter as best I could. So, naturally... I started taking out all my anger on her. Even though I know it wasn't her fault... I needed someone to blame. Don't get me wrong... I never hurt her... but I felt a lot of hatred for her.
Things are getting better. The pain is subsiding and my daughter is now 15 months old and doesn't require the bottle anymore... so, no more sitting. Also, with the meds now in full swing... I can now rationalize a little better. I still look at the negative side of things and can bawl my eyes out at the drop of hat. But all in all... things are starting to look up.
So, there's most of my story. I hope to get to know all of you a little better over the next few weeks :)