Thanks for your response. You’re picking us up more than we’re picking you up.
You said, “Yeah i have anxiety which is another reason i do not go to school. I would just not go because of a slight chance i would get called on. When i get nervous i shake and last week some people were laughing at me. But it's okay.”
OK, you want to talk embarrassing situations, right? OK. Right, the time in the last post that I was writing about
, when I was sitting next to my girlfriend in the 11th grade. They made an announcement over the intercom that changed my life.
They announced who won a class office; it was my girlfriend’s male competitor who won over my girlfriend, and he was sitting in front of her. Well, since they were right next to each other, they had to carry on, stating why the other should have won, fairly gushing, and they wouldn’t seem to quit, and there I was 3 feet from both of them, and my brain basically split, if you want to be nice, it came loose from reality, loose from itself (psychotic episode) in an effort to escape what was going on I guess. It couldn’t take the never-ending pressure.
So then the teacher says, “Oh, instead of having our regular class today, because of all of this, we’re going to read going around the room. Death.
On top of what was going on inside of my mind, we were now going to have to read orally, each and every one of us. I could barely breath, much less control my breath to read. I was completely panicked.
When it came my turn, I don’t have to describe it to you. I could read about
one or two words at a time, and I would have to take about
3 breaths, as if I had been running a 100-yard dash. OK, my girlfriend’s sitting two feet from me. Let’s just say I don’t go to any class reunions.
OK, what’s next on the agenda?
I got over that. I know, you don’t believe it. Here’s how I got over that. A friend of mine had a fear of speaking, also, so we joined this club (Toastmasters, I recommend it). Your first speech was this: standup, say your name, and you can sit back down. Or, after you say your name, tell a little bit about
yourself. Well, that’s that easiest subject in the world. So I told about
myself, and I got over my fear of speaking in a group.
I’m telling you, it worked.
You said, “When i get nervous i shake and last week some people were laughing at me. But it's okay.”
People can be cruel. We have to be able to deal with that to the best of our abilities. As you said, “It’s okay.” That’s a great way to get over it.
You said, “i told my mom that i skipped school today and that i want to quit. she got mad of course and just said i need to do better. That's what she always says. so i told her how amazing it is that she is so oblivious. she just said i don't want to talk right now.”
opening up. For someone who was probably keeping it all inside, you’re really doing very well.
If you can get a doctor’s appointment, maybe you can get something to calm you down.
Another possibility, thinking positive (“One problem at a time, and be positive about
that problem”), is, can you talk to your teachers, and tell them what the situation is, and ask them not to call on you to read, because you’ve got it so bad, you are thinking about
I know, I know, it would take a lot to do that. But if you could get it together to say that, maybe you wouldn’t have to quit school.
Or, get some anti-anxiety pills from your doctor (in addition to anti-depressants), take one before school, then go talk to your teachers (before class, when could you do that?). Then you might not have to take any more tranquilizers.
These are all my opinions.
You say, “Still it's okay, just i think i am now realizing how i really am on my own and i need to take control over myself. It's just hard when i am dependent on her. I know i am too old i guess. I've never had a job or anything and i blame it on myself. But i have a plan to get a car, then get a job.”
That’s very good when you said, “just i think i am now realizing how i really am on my own and i need to take control over myself”
That’s pretty astute thinking.
You are at an age when you look back at your childhood, and forwards toward your adulthood. You’re right in the middle. You’re doing it just right.
You say, “It's just hard when i am dependent on her. I know i am too old i guess. I've never had a job or anything and i blame it on myself. But i have a plan to get a car, then get a job.”
Again, you’re right in the middle, and, again, you’re doing it just right.
You say, “And about
the doctor. I am 18 now so i would be getting a brand new adult doc haha. Would it be weird to bring it up on the first appointment?”
No, I think it would be appropriate. That is your primary complaint, so it would be expected to address that.
You say, “Also i really can't thank everybody enough. Nobody has never ever taken me seriously or acted like my feelings really mattered, and so i thought my feelings did not matter anymore. i was ready to give up. i still kinda am, but talking to you all has made me feel better because no one ever talks to me. I know i sound kinda pathetic for saying that but i want you to know that i won't forget all the things you have said to me. you all made me feel real again like an actual person.”
My childhood was, also, kinda wasted, in spending too much time running me down and not enough building me up so that I could get ready for life, could have a better chance to make it on my own.
And I kinda had to grow up on my own, starting at 18.
But you know, nobody ever gets it all right. We just have to go with what is. And what is here, is that, you’re great.
Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 2/22/2017 10:08:24 AM (GMT-7)