I happen to agree with you about
the meds. I was on them for 10 years and recently stopped. Now, though, I am doing a lot of talking! THAT's what helps.
Taking or declining to take meds is the choice of the individual, not the therapist or anyone else.
I'm really sorry for your family situation. It is very controlling. At your age the details of your life, like whether you want your bedroom door closed or not, how much time you want to spend in your bedroom, etc. should be soley your decisions. I understand, too: I was told how often I could bathe, wash my hair, etc.
Since you are of legal age, your parents would not have to know if you seek therapy. Also, your community's mental health services most likely provide free or nearly free services. They would be listed in your phone book's yellow pages under mental health or behavioral health.
I understand about being terrified to ask someone for help. How could you feel comfortable asking for help when you are accustomed to an environment that discourages it? Is what you've learned about being self-sufficient working for you right now or is it just what you stay with because it is what you know? Most of that fear of asking for help may be because it would be a new experience for you and also because it is important to you. It may seem like far more, but it is really similar to any kind of asking for help, such as asking a doctor for help with headache pain or foot pain. The other person is familiar with your type of situation and has ways to begin to look at it and see what can be done to give you relief. That initial call to make the appointment and then to go to that first appointment are the hardest part, if you should decide to go that route.
Sometimes to try something out and see how it works can surprise us and give us comfort, encouragement, security, and other things we want. And it's nice to have someone there when you are climbing out of a rock-bottom place or to help keep you from having to hit a rock-bottom place!
It must be so exhausting for you to keep everything in and put on the happy face all the time. I hope you'll come here and post often; and you need not try to hide or supress how you're feeling because we do care here.