Welcome to the forum! I am also fairly new to this; I originallyposted out of desperation because of my depression and anxiety. I've found the majority of people who have never suffered from depression and anxiety have a very difficult time understand what you are going through. So you keep it all inside, and it builds up over the years, until you reach a point there's no more room inside you to keep pushing the stuff inside you.
I've had depression and anxiety for many years, been on meds for 10 years. I reached my breaking point a couple weeks ago, and I searched here to answers. Nobody gave me a quick cure for all my problems, but I realized I wasn't the only one with all the feelings of overwhelming depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. The very positive thing I received from posting here, is it made me think about my depression; why I have it, etc. And that I really needed to assess my situation, instead of feeling helpless, and just accepting this was the way I would feel the rest of my life.
I came clean, broke down with my mom, (and I'm in m early 50's lol), and said I was very sick and needed help. Before my family had looked at my problem as if it wasn't real, or I just needed to get out of the house and everything would be okay. Amazingly, my mom and daughters immediately called, gathered information, and I started in a day program at the hospital. (I talk about it in my earlier post). A normal program is about a week, they decide how long you need to come and then they make sure you are set up with a therapist, etc.
But what has helped me most is the small group of individuals I am in the program with, all have similar problems, and we are able to share. I have realized there is hope, and suicide is not the answer.
I think what is helping me is the all-day therapy, which covers every aspect of your life, and you are concentrating and facing your problems, as well as sharing and helping others in the group. One week out of my life to focus on me has been the best decision I have made. I'm still depressed and anxious, but I now have hope, which I never did before, that I will get better.
Maybe you need to take a break for yourself, go to your hospital for a psych assessment, and if they have a day outpatient program like this, it's a very good idea. It's like going to work, except you are working on yourself, instead of hiding from what is causing your depression.
I know if I had just started seeing a therapist once a week before doing this, I wouldn't be successful. I needed this jump-start to get me on the path the wellness.
If you have read my earlier posts a week or so ago, I have gone from complete helplessness to having hope that I will get better.