1. Well, my back surgery was a week ago Friday. I'm doing a lot better. I'm actually sitting up in front of the computer without much pain at all. this is huge.. I haven't been able to do this for months.”
(Oh, happy day, your back’s much better. I predict you’ll be doing cartwheels before too long.)
Hmmm..... cartwheels.. not yet :}
3. It's not just the grief but the grief has triggered my depression
(Did you inherit this depression? Do your parents or grandparents have it? It can skip a generation, so your grandparent(s) may have had it, but not your parent(s). Do any uncles or aunts have this?)
My dad died before I was born but he committed suicide so I'm inclined to believe that he may have had some issues with depression. My mom had depression too. Some of my depression is environmental. I was neglected by mother and molested by one of my step (not sure what to call him.. he wasn't a father). I was also raped by a stranger when I was ten. I think that had an influence on my depression.
4. I have a therapist I talk to once or twice a week over the phone.
I can't drive yet so I can't go into his office.
(Can you drive now?)
5. It just hurts when I wake up in the morning.
(Can you put a cold gel pack on your back for 15 or 20 minutes?
And 30 minutes or so later, 20 minutes or so of putting a heating pad (possibly moist) on your back? My chio recommended that for my bad back, and it helps.)
Ya.. haven't done it yet. I'm always in a hurry. I'm not a morning person.
6. My boyfriend was so good to me while I was sick. He tried to make me feel better.
(Sounds like he was really good for you.)
You know, things weren't perfect but he was good for me in a lot of ways.
7. I am able to walk but I still have some limitations.
(Are you walking better now? Have you signed up for the Walk-A-Thon?
I'm walking. This coming up Saturday I am going to a Meet-up group. We will be walking along the river.
8. I am not totally alone but I could be and no one would notice.
(Me too. I figure I’d be here 3 weeks before anybody would think something might be wrong.)
9. I have to do a lot of reaching out and that is something I'm not good at.
(I’m the same way. I don’t like to bother people, except when I want to bother them too much.)
10. But I think I'm going to get through this
(That’s good. We need somebody to pick on. It’s a joke. Chris, please. Gosh.)
11. I went to a place called crises residential last night
12. I was doing a lot of guided meditations when I was in therapy. Those are things that are good for me. For some reason I don't feel motivated to do them right now. Perhaps I should make myself.
(are you able to do any of that now?)
Yes. I do it sometimes.
(Did you get through your boyfriends services OK?)
The services were rough. I would have to say that was the worst day of my life.
(Is your anti-depressant helping you?)
I've been taking anti depressants since I was 18. I'm 49 now. I suppose they help.
13. After that I might go back to the partial hospitalization program that I was in before I started having back problems.
14. It's the hardest when I cry and there is no one to talk to. Usually, at night
15. Thanks for being here guys
16. My self esteem has always been low. I suppose because I wasn't treated well growing up.
(did you have a rough childhood?)
17. I am back in the partial hospitalization program again but I find myself having a hard time talking a lot even though the groups are small.
18. I'm just not sure if I can ever get past this?
19. Am I hopeless?
20. Thanks Karen, I like that "where there is breath there is hope". Thanks for always being here!
21. I took a huge step today.. it may seem like nothing to others but I asked my roommates to keep the house clean. I know it sounds like nothing but after I did it I was shaking. One of them had a bit of an attitude but oh well, if he doesn't like it he can go. His wife who is also my roommate has been cleaning house all day today. So, I guess it worked.
22. Trina, I bought that book a while ago... you had recommended it. I never finished it. Perhaps I should get it back out and read it.
23. I love you guys!