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Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 5/9/2017 4:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
It has been a very long time since I have posted on the forum and now I am a senior citizen. I live alone and am finding my situation unbearable. I have two sons, one who lives close to me but he has his share of problems so I don't ask him for much. My younger son is now married with a two year old and another baby due in August. They have asked what they can do to be more active with me and want to include me more. I told them the things that would help me and after a few months I am being just ignored. I am lucky if my son calls me once a week. I am not expecting so much as I know they have very busy jobs and a little boy and they are looking for a house to move to. What hurts the most is that they are moving to a suburb at least an hour away from me. I will never see them much as I can no longer drive on the highway and there is no train transportation. I just feel left out. They have a very close and active relationship with my daughter in laws family.
I am active in two senior centers, I do have friends and I carefully plan activities during the week. I never have anything to do on weekends and that contributes to my loneliness. When I come home at night it is so quiet I can't stand it. I keep the TV on all the time just for the noise.
I am checking into volunteer opportunities to help keep busy but none of this solves the problems of loneliness at night with no one to talk to. I would love to find a part time job but my computer skills are very lacking and can't stand to do retail work. I don't think places are hiring people my age.

I know I am lucky to have my sons and grandchild and this must sound like a whiny poor me complaint. I guess I just wanted to let out my feelings of loneliness and hope maybe someone has an idea to help.

Aurora

Marqi
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2017
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 5/9/2017 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello, I too am very lonely. I am 52 with 3 grown children who live in another state. I have 2 GrandDaughters who I miss terribly. My husband and I moved last year to be close to our job. Turns out I ended up getting depressed with anxiety about moving away from the kids and all of our family. Now I'm not working with my husband who is a truck driver due to the depression and anxiety, so I'm stuck here in this house in a town where I know no one.
I too thought about volunteer work, but at this point I can verily get myself out of bed. If I can get well I will look for a local job to meet people in this area.
Maybe we can chat sometime.
I hope you get to see your Grandchildren more often than you are expecting. Best wishes..

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 5/10/2017 8:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for your reply. I know how lucky we are to have grandchildren. It is just hard to know they are there and we can't see them and watch them grow. My family doesn't live so far away but the problem is I have been put on the back burner. I raised my son with so much love and caring and I am finding it hard to realize that i am no longer of much importance. And I realize he has a wife and family who come first. I just want to have a few phone calls and know I am not forgotten.
I understand how hard it must be for you with your husband working and not home for you. Loneliness seems to sink in and somehow causes the inability to get out of ourselves.I think if you can manage to get out and find at least one place to volunteer or find a part time job it may help. It is getting going that isn't easy.
I would love to chat or email with you if you would like. Knowing you have a friend to communicate with helps. Night time is the worst because it is so quiet. Please write again. Maybe we can support each other.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41915
   Posted 5/10/2017 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   
If you two are going to email, you should add your emails to your profile so you can get them from each other without posting them on line. Only members can see our profiles but anybody could see it on the forum. Just an fyi...

If you do put them on the forum, let me know when the other one gets it and I will delete it afterwards. I wouldn't keep them on the forum long. Just thinking ahead...

I hope you both have a good day today...

Hi Aurora, good to see you posting again.

Welcome Marqi, I don't remember seeing you post before, but that is just me. Bad memory...

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 5/10/2017 1:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,

Thanks for your response. I do have my email listed on my profile but it is hidden from posts. Would someone have to look me up under members to find my email? Just checking as my last post said I would be willing to email.

Take care,

Aurora 60

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1101
   Posted 5/10/2017 2:26 PM (GMT -7)   
As a senior living alone, I also have trouble with loneliness.

One of the things that has helped me is to have a home health care type of person come by my place once or twice a week.

During this time we have conversation, even if its just taking me to the doctor's office.

So, I would recommend home health care.

Two, as you mentioned, volunteering is the same thing, you just don't pay the people to talk to them.

Hospitals can use volunteers in many departments, and job openings can be seen on their employment screen.

Senior citizens homes, food banks, animal shelters walking dogs can also be considered.

What do you think about that?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41915
   Posted 5/10/2017 2:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

If they click on your name at the side of your post it will take them to your profile. I am not sure what to do if it is hidden.

I will see what I can find out.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7174
   Posted 5/10/2017 3:02 PM (GMT -7)   
You only have to Click on the Members blue lettered name on the left side of the post, it will take you to the profile and there the email will be.

I understand the loneliness that is spoken about. My husband is a chef, work long hours, even though he has semi retired into health care [hospitals] from restaurants. He works at a large private room building, that all does catering for satelite offices, schools and events for medical personnel. Large organization.

I ramble.

I am 57, hubby and I have not children.

At night, I read. I have 3 favorite magazines. Archeology, Scientific MIND, and Mindful.
I read books. I sell large print books on eBay. So I go to book sales often.

I am teaching myself out to place the piano, slow process, however slowly I see progress and feel proud of my accomplishments. The videos on Youtube do for me that music lessons did.
Just saying.

On weekends here are a few suggestions:

I took up art. Started with crayons, to water colors to acrylics. It is amazing what can be accomplished if a person, sits quietly. Closes their eyes, begins a body scan. What emotions are swirling about in side?

Thinking on these emotions, then clearing you mind before starting, CREATE! Don't think, erase, question. just DO! You will be surprised was comes out.


As for the grandchild. There is a think called SKYPE. It is video calling on smart phones and laptop; note pads etc... It is free to down load.

It is as easy as a phone call. If you can post here you can Skype. You can do daily calls with grandchildren, help them with their home work, just say hi! See them off, before a date, etc...
just ask YOUR kids to set it up on their end and coordinate some times.

A small dog or a cat is a good idea if you are not allergic and like animals. If you care for them.
The unconditional love from a dog is indescribable. I can not imagine like without a dog in more home. A cat, well they can love and be aloof.

I hope this helped in some way.

Peace
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41915
   Posted 5/10/2017 3:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora, I went to the "members" and it took forever to get your name. Then all it did was take me back to profile and your email address isn't showing. It says "unavailable". So unless she puts hers into her profile, you will need to take it out of "hidden". You can do that by going to "my profile".


I hope you two can connect and email each other.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 5/10/2017 4:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen, I checked my member profile and my email is listed as unavailable so that it doesn't show on my posts. I don't know how to fix it. I will just see if someone wants to email me through a post and then I can list it and take it off.

To all who replied, thank you so much. There are many good suggestions. I think my best option is to get out and volunteer. My other sanctuary is the library where I spend many afternoons. I guess my real problem is the quiet and loneliness when home all alone. I grew up in a big family so this is uncomfortable. I just let it get to me too much so I have to work on this.
I was given SKYPE by my son last year for Mother's Day and for some strange reason it would not install on my computer. Here we are a year later and my son has still not fixed the problem. This is what I mean by being ignored or put on the back burner. I am not computer literate or I would fix it myself. Also, my computer is old so that may have something wrong. I imagine I am not the only one who has a child who is just too "busy" to keep in touch. Sometimes we have to do the best to make our friends our "family."

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20048
   Posted 5/10/2017 8:40 PM (GMT -7)   
hi from me. remember me? ht.

Marqi
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2017
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 5/11/2017 12:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I will try and add my email to my profile. I'm new here, so still trying to figure out where to go to do what.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41915
   Posted 5/11/2017 5:10 AM (GMT -7)   
At the top of the page it says "my profile". You click on that and it will take you there. Best wishes...

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Marqi
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2017
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 5/11/2017 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank You! I think I was able to make it to where it is viewable.

Margie

LHA112
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 5/11/2017 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi all,

Well add me to the list of depressed, lonely people (56 y/o female) - wish I could say LOL, but it's nothing to laugh about, is it?? I also have an empty nest and zero family anywhere close. Moved 600 miles from home many years ago. Very sad.

That's all for now, just wanted to say hello and hope we can stay supportive of one another.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41915
   Posted 5/11/2017 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Yay Margie!!!

Hello LHA112, welcome to the depression forum.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Marqi
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2017
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 5/11/2017 3:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Let's help support each other through this. I'm really glad I found this site. I want to go to work, but I need to get in a good frame of mind before I can start applying.
Do you have any hobbies? Or what do you do to occupy your time? Lately I haven't been doing anything except watching tv in my bed which is not good at all. I do take a shower almost every day, but my house is so lonely and quiet it is almost unbearable. I need to get in a better frame of mind and believe that I will meet some friends here my own age once I find a job. I do have the option to go back to work with my husband driving truck, but I no longer want to do that long term.
Thanks to anyone who listens and has anything to add. Margie

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 5/12/2017 10:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Margie,

I saw your email on your profile and if you would like to email with me I would be happy to contact you and give you support. We can chat a bit and if I email you, you will then have my email address and we can correspond. Is that something you want to do?
If OK I will email you soon.

Take care, and I hope you are feeling a little better. Having a friend to talk with makes it easier.

Aurora

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 5/12/2017 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi LHA1112,

I sure know what you are going through. You don't understand when your kids are growing up how hard it is going to be an empty nester. I only have my two sons but they have their own lives and I feel like I am at the bottom of the list. For me I live alone so it seems difficult since I grew up in a big family. The nights are just too quiet. I feel I am doing the best I can but there are times when nothing helps. So I understand how you feel.
Keep posting, I will be glad to answer you. I think it helps to have someone on here to keep in touch with.

Take care,

Aurora

Marqi
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2017
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 5/12/2017 12:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes I would like it if you could email me. Thank You! Margie 😊

LHA112
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 5/12/2017 12:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora & Marqi,

Glad to have stumbled across your posts. I would like to keep in touch, but my will have to look into the email details, etc. I am also somewhat clueless on computers, and my son will tell me to be cautious about sharing my email! Let me do some research!

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 5/12/2017 1:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi LHA,

I understand your concern about online safety and you are right. I have had good success in the past emailing a few people and one actually became a good friend that I got together with. If you aren't comfortable emailing how about if we chat right here on the forum. We can help with support and answer questions you might have. Just know that this is a very friendly group and caring. We just want to help and be helped.

Aurora

LHA112
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 5/13/2017 7:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora (and all others, too!)

Is anyone else also dislike weekends even more than weekdays -- more lonely & sad? Gosh, it seems like everyone has 'stuff' to do....but I don't. I especially struggle with afternoons. Seem to drag on endlessly.

I actually seem to struggle with afternoons more in general anyway. For so many years the boys would come home from school around 3-ish, and now.....well, you get the picture. No one walking in the door anymore. Bummer.

Thanks for listening!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41915
   Posted 5/13/2017 7:41 AM (GMT -7)   
LHA,

What if you were to pick up a hobby or find something you enjoy doing at that time of the day to break things up? Designate a time to do something you like. Maybe that will help you to see that time of day differently.

I hate feeling lonely. Or left out. I think we all do. But now this is the time to live your life for you.

I hope you feel better soon.

Aurora and Margi,

I am glad you both were able to connect. Here's to a future of friendship. Cheers!!!

Hugs to all three of you.

Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

LHA112
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 5/13/2017 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen -- and etc.,

Thanks for the response! Yes, I actually have signed up to volunteer at our local Boys' Shelter....I totally can relate to boys since I raised 3 of them. I cannot even begin to imagine what these poor boys have been through. I am just waiting for more details and to be background checked, and etc. I grew up motherless, so I totally have become a advocate for children with sad situations.

Hope I hear something within the next 2 weeks.
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