Selfish People Around Me..

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Pretty Little Liar
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2017
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 5/15/2017 11:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi. I'm really upset that I get used all the time. I mean, people use me for a lot of things.

Today a friend of mine made me do all his work and after he got a good grade he yelled at me for no reason and left and while he was leaving he gave me back my work and said you can have it now.

I'm just so sick of people using me all the darn time and it makes me extremely upset with myself that I get used all the time and I always let them do it.

I want to stop, I want to avoid people like that but I can't. Why am I like this? I get attached to people so easily and in the end they always hurt me and make me feel like I don't deserve to feel special.

I don't think anybody cares about me, all they want is to get their work done by me or just talk to me when they are bored.

I want something more than this, from anyone but I don't think I'll ever get a friend who'll treat me like the way I deserve to be treated or even a guy who'd love me selflessly.

pitmom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2015
Total Posts : 2186
   Posted 5/16/2017 4:48 AM (GMT -7)   
First off, welcome to the forum.

Secondly, have you considered seeking out professional guidance in finding out why this situation happens repeatedly?

I saw your post on the other thread. Deep seated feelings like this tend to require assistance in rooting them out, exposing them, and recovering from them.

Wanting companionship is normal. Wanting to help others is normal. Wanting to be appreciated is normal. So, why is it that we allow ourselves to be 'used' and not appreciated?

I, myself, have the same tendency. I've learned to ask myself 'why' I want to be helpful? Are my motives selfish? Do I want to be seen as a big shot? As a 'savior'? As knowlegable or powerful? Do I want to feel important?

Sadly, many times the answer was 'yes' to all of the above, although I didn't know it. I felt so bad about myself and my circumstances...I nearly drove myself nuts trying so hard to be helpful, to make myself feel good about myself when in fact, that was a form of 'using other people selfishly'. Happiness is an inside job but I needed 'coworkers' in order to do it. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist for the medication part of the equation and a counselor to help me with the rest.

Start there. Treat yourself the way you 'deserve' to be treated...well and gently. Some of the most difficult words you will deal with are very short..."NO" and "IF". You can do it!
multiple surgeries for rotator cuff both shoulders with residual chronic impingement syndrome, ulnar nerve transposition, carpal tunnel release, wrist ganglionectomies/denervectomies/tenolysis, multiple herniated discs, tarlov cyst, whiplash, bursitis of hips, tendonitis, torus, 3rd degree shoulder separation, torn labrum, ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors of the uterus

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41931
   Posted 5/16/2017 5:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Learn the word "NO".

They can only use you if you let them. It is hard saying "no" at first but it gets easier. You don't deserve to be used in these ways. I hope that things get better soon.

Counseling helps with these issues...

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41931
   Posted 5/16/2017 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. You can't depend on other people to make you feel good. It comes from within. Hang in there, one day at a time...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1107
   Posted 5/16/2017 10:28 AM (GMT -7)   
You said:

"Today a friend of mine made me do all his work and after he got a good grade he yelled at me for no reason and left and while he was leaving he gave me back my work and said you can have it now."

You skipped something. You're the one who has this wonderful ability to do this good work or project. They're the ones so stupid can't even tie their shoes.

But you've elevated them above you. Whoa! You're above them.

You skipped over a positive trait of yours to get to a negative. And that is, you're very smart. See, you're looking for the negative.

Why don't we just stop at the part where you're smart. What would you like to do with your academic skills?

You say:

"I'm really upset that I get used all the time. I mean, people use me for a lot of things."

Again you may have a negative impression of yourself.

Were you raised in a negative household?

I had a negative self-image, and was raised in a negative household, so it's no mystery where it came from.

I probably have the same personality was you do, not real forceful, not real dynamic, wanting and willing to help people. As you and I know, deadly combination.

But for one thing, we can look at those qualities

1. Not real forceful, or sensitive. Sensitivity is not a weakness but a strength. Sensitive people are better at helping others, and can help themselves with that same trait. You don't usually go to a forceful person for help.

2. "not real dynamic" People who are not real dynamic are more down to earth, without a lot of theatrics. Such down to earth people are more likely to help and probably more sought after by those who have problems.

3. "wanting and willing to help people" That's a strength, not a weakness. It can be a weakness, with people like you and me, but it can also be looked at as a strength.

I try to help people with my advanced age and experiences. I sometimes get ripped off. Some of the people I try to help, try to destroy me. I know. I know the feeling. You and I probably know some of the same people.

But you have to try to plow through that to get to the positive. We have to remember, we're not the jerk, they are.

I got ripped off by somebody, and almost a year later, out of loneliness, I called them back. They were shocked, they thought I was coming after them. I wasn't, I just wanted to talk.

It turned out they were in trouble, I helped them (same old me), and we became good friends. For one thing, I stayed positive, positive that I wanted to help them, positive that they could get through some of their difficulties.

It was also like a big brother, little sister situation. I got an ego boast from helping, they got helped, it worked out. If I had stayed all mad because she had ripped me off, I wouldn't have had that experience, and she wouldn't have gotten help.

I also don't try to help some crook who is stronger than I am. She was my little sister, as you noticed. A bigger sister who dominates me, I stay away from.

A guy up the street ripped me off for 4 years. But he was basically a nice guy, he just got paid off to give me a hard time. And he and I became friends, and he and I team up sometimes to help other people. I know, it's a strange relationship. But if we hadn't gotten back together as friends, we couldn't help others.

One reason was because he was basically a nice guy, and two he now could help me. Am I ripping him off or did he rip me off?

So be big enough to look over some transgressions, but be smart enough to stay away from some people.

I was the same way when I was your age. A lackey. Help someone weaker than you are. Volunteer in a hospital. Walk dogs at a dog pound. Use you strength. Use your willingness to help.

You and I are in a better position to help people because we're sensitive, and we've been through such rough stuff ourselves.

You're really a good person, you just don't know it.

You say, "I don't think I'll ever get a friend who'll treat me like the way I deserve to be treated or even a guy who'd love me selflessly."

You can start this process off b y being good to yourself. And not by looking for someone who will be good to you, but by looking for someone that you can help, again, like at a hospital as a volunteer.

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 5/16/2017 11:41:20 AM (GMT-6)


BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7179
   Posted 5/16/2017 12:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome to the forum,

/nobullying.com/stand-up-to-bullying/

/psychcentral.com/lib/learning-to-say-no/

Here are to links you can start to learn some information from.

I urge you to talk to someone at school to get some help. Vice principle or Principle. Nurse perhaps.

The bravest thing you can do is reach out for help, you already showed your courage here!

Yes, you may be afraid because you broke the rules and basically cheated. However there is more to it than that. I feel sure that you start from your feelings of being bullied, insecure, frightened.

Yes, I have been where you are. Frightened is true. There is no shame in that, you feel shame. But the truth is, the bullies ought to shameful...

You can turn this around with help. You are still a child, developing your personality and character. You can not do this on your own.

If there is someone you trust in your family talk to them also, have them come to school with you.
Do not worry about being a rat, time for you to learn to stand up for what is right in life. Not to do what helps you fit with the wrong people. Obviously, it is not serving you very well.

I wish you strength and peace.
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Pretty Little Liar
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2017
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 5/17/2017 3:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thankyou so much everyone. I'm looking on it and I'm progressing.
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