Glad you responded.
Yes, that does complicate things if you're pregnant and not wanting to take anti-depressants.
You say, "life was simple when I was single."
Are you married now?
You say, "Ive never been on meds ever, im worried as I hear the side effects can make you even worse, more depressed etc."
There is also a side effect of not taking anti-depressants, and that is, you'll probably stay depressed. At least, when you're not pregnant, you can try an anti-depressant and see which you like better.
You say, "I've made some mistakes in the last year as I was vulnerable and finding it hard to deal with now. I'm sick of obsessing over things I hear and don't understand"
I take an anti-depressant, Mirtazapine, and Lithium, a mood stabilizer I suppose. I have an idea of what you're talking about when you say, "finding it hard to deal with now."
If I wasn't taking those meds, I couldn't deal with now, either, or the future. As a bipolar, my mind would be going so fast I would be wanting time to speed up, but the meds slow down my mind to the speed of the clock. As for dealing with now, I would have trouble with that, also, probably. My mind would be going so fast in the manic stage, or so slow in the depressed stage, I couldn't deal with the present.
But the Lithium and the anti-depressant get my mind in synch with reality and the present.
You're going to have to assume some responsibility here, as you say, "Ive never been on meds ever, im worried as I hear the side effects can make you even worse, more depressed etc"
Medicines are available, and you're not even giving any of that a chance, and wondering what is the problem and who? To ignore that meds might help and go on with your agony, gets back to self-responsibility.
You could have taken care of yourself in UK, and you'll still have to take responsibility for yourself in Australia. You need to quit running around in circles and figure some of this out.
Implying you've done and said everything possible, and you haven't even tried medicine so you can't even say whether it helps or not, is hardly doing everything you can, except running from your responsibilities and from yourself.
You say, "12 years is a long time to try." 12 years of trying, and you didn't even try medicine? I'm glad you wrote and let everyone know that you're on this mission to avoid medicine. How would we have ever known?
You say, "I've had anxiety and depression for 12 years now, it's been one thing after the other in terms of anxiety obsessive thinking."
When I first took Lithium many years ago, it felt like the air had been let out of an over-inflated balloon. I never knew I was that uptight for that long. It was the greatest relief.
I hope you will consider at least trying meds.
Also what's helped me is trying to stay positive. "One problem at a time, and be positive about hat problem."