I enjoyed responding to your post.
about the Ambien. There is a world of information in your post about that, and I looked it up on the net.
You said, "I am worried ambien is causing me to behave in ways that are off that I am not aware. That's scary. But it really provides that blissful world of sleep, even BEFORE you fall asleep. I mean, I take it at 9:00, and by 9:30 suddenly everything in my life is okay and there are no problems and I'm laughing and playing video games. This probably isn't a good thing. I don't want to become dependent or addicted. But it's nice knowing i always have something to guarantee to knock me out when I have to sleep."
Sounds like pretty powerful stuff. The net said,
"Ambien (zolpidem) is a sedative, also called a hypnotic. Zolpidem affects chemicals in the brain that may be unbalanced in people with sleep problems (insomnia).
"Ambien is used to treat insomnia. The immediate-release tablet is used to help you fall asleep when you first go to bed. The extended-release form, Ambien CR, which has a first layer that dissolves quickly to help you fall asleep, and a second layer that dissolves slowly to help you stay asleep.
"Ambien may impair your thinking or reactions. You may still feel sleepy the morning after taking this medicine, especially if you take the extended-release tablet, or if you are a woman."
"Zolpidem cause a severe allergic reaction. Stop taking this medicine and get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat."
about the swelling, my now deceased wife took some psych med and it made her tongue swell. Uh, oh. As in, if it keeps swelling, how are you going to breath? So that swelling and medicine can be scary. I would be alert to any swelling, and what might be causing it: your medicine, and to quit taking it if that happens.
Ambien sounds like a horse. Right from the start it said, "Ambien (zolpidem) is a sedative, also called a hypnotic"
Hypnotic? Whoa. In your description of it, you said,
"I am worried ambien is causing me to behave in ways that are off that I am not aware. That's scary. But it really provides that blissful world of sleep, even BEFORE you fall asleep. I mean, I take it at 9:00, and by 9:30 suddenly everything in my life is okay and there are no problems and I'm laughing and playing video games. This probably isn't a good thing. I don't want to become dependent or addicted. But it's nice knowing i always have something to guarantee to knock me out when I have to sleep."
It sounds like it puts you to sleep, but it sounds like a powerhouse.
I'm wondering if you might should be going to a psychiatrist instead of the nurse you mentioned. A psychiatrist might be more finely tuned to get you something that might help with sleep, but can also be an anti-depressant.
Or an anti-depressant and a calmer sleep pill. Again, I take Melatonin from the health food store which helps me sleep.
about the Wellbutrin (anit-depressant?), you said, "The Wellbutrin made me feel like jogging and working out, so I started doing so but even that grew old and my depression overpowered all the exercise"
And, " I am pretty sure, however, that I am going to come off the Wellbutrin and go on something maybe a little more in line with what you take" (What I take for bipolar is Mirtazapine, anti-depressant, and Lithium, a mood stabilizer which calms down my mania, or rather prevents it.)
So, it sounds like the Wellbutrin did not help very much on the depression. If you have a psychiatrist, I think they can do a better job than that nurse. We need to get you moving.
We need to get you out of the house, walking that dog, or volunteering somewhere. What got you stuck in the house? Do you have any program for getting out?
Living in your mother's house for 1.5 years might be a world's record, except for my 6 years in my house because of health problems. So I know stagnant.
Can you delve into what got you into this world-wind that landed you in your mother's house for 1 1/2 years?
You say, "I'm desperate to talk to somebody, anybody at all, that has horrible social problems but who can't stand the effect of it causing complete solitude and being totally alone. I haven't had the will to go out and instigate meeting someone. So... I am turning to this site to see if anyone is looking for communication with someone."
Karen mentioned having made some friends on this forum who she now corresponds with by e-mail. Maybe someone knows something about this social sites where perhaps people list their interests and want to correspond with someone with similar interest.
So, if that's what you want, I'm sure there are people out there who have similar interest. I myself would be leary of that because I'd be concerned about con artists. But, you, right, you might fit right in.
The negative thing. Where do you fit into that? I use to be very negative, and it was really getting me. But you, you're a problem-solving whiz, right?
It you're negative, being positive, just for five minutes to solve a problem, could be a big help for you. It was for me.