Sorry for not replying for a couple of days. Although that said, absolutely nothing of any note has happened. On the plus side I still haven't crashed. In fact I feel like I've been the happiest I've been in years and it's bizarre. Not happy in a euphoric, manic way but just able to feel positive emotions again and enjoy the sunny weather we've been having. It's very hard to motivate myself to go back on the duloxetine when I feel like this, but I will soon - I want to be back on it before my next psych appointment on the 12th June. Besides, that will be after our general election on the 8th June and I'll probably be depressed again after the inevitable Tory victory :-/
@Karen - I've seen you post about
your mum before and she did sound very abusive to you as a child. I'll never understand abusive parents, but that's a whole other topic I guess. I am glad you were able to get away from her: one of the saddest things is seeing adult children still at the beck and call of their manipulative parents.
Hugs back at you :p
@Lynwood - Thanks for telling me about
Al-Anon, as I didn't actually know that. I will google them and look into it further. I do feel like my mum's drinking has been a negative influence on me. In one sense it sounds a bit silly and I think most of my family would tell me I'm being silly if I said anything (which I wouldn't). Like, how can my mum having a glass of wine affect me? And of course, an occasional glass of wine would have no affect whatsoever. But I am convinced that chronic, heavy drinking has changed her personality. On the other hand, something like that is impossible to prove because I don't know how she would have turned out if she had been a teetotaller all her life :/
@RobLee - I'm not going to increase my dose of Cymbalta. I didn't like some of the side-effects at 60mg; increasing to 120mg is a risk I don't want to take. I'd rather try a different antidepressant and then go back to Cymbalta again if it doesn't work out. Incidentally, obsessive/looping thoughts are something I have an issue with: Cymbalta knocked them right on the head, for several months at least. But when I got depressed again the negative thoughts came back as well.
@Tim Tam - I have a flat of my own now. I was very lucky to get it and I appreciate that. Before I got the flat in 2015 I was living at my parents house and that was
a nightmare. It would take an essay to explain why, since there's a list of reasons longer than your arm - but I was basically traumatised and very, very angry for at least two years. My parents couldn't deal with it and a few times the police were called out. I honestly don't know how it would have all ended if my flat hadn't come along when it did. Things were still appalling with my parents after I moved out and I ended up cutting off contact for about
3 months. I went into hospital for bowel surgery; the aftermath went pear-shaped and I became terrified I was going to die (in retrospect I can see now there was no chance of that...). Called my parents, they came to visit and I resumed seeing them again after that.
There weren't any serious problems for a year or so, but very gradually some of the old resentments and problems resurfaced. Then, for various reasons I won't bore you with, they escalated rather sharply. That's when I decided I just couldn't handle seeing my parents anymore, at least for a while.
My mum wasn't actually drunk when I had the final row with her, no. There are days when she doesn't drink. Not very many of them anymore, but that was one of them. As for finance, it's a bit personal but I'm on benefits at the moment. Luckily my dad is as mean as anything, which meant I couldn't get financially dependent on my parents for stuff; have always had to pay my own bills, and so on.
I say that, though, but I was living at home until I was 40, which isn't normal. You mentioned not being able to get away because of bipolar; well I had the same thing really, but with depression and (at the time) undiagnosed autism. My friend reckoned my parents had a vested interest in keeping me at home for their own selfish reasons. I don't think that was actually true of my dad, but of my mum - deffo.
The idea of being positive only for a few minutes to solve a problem is an intriguing one: I might try that and see if it works. I can't be positive all the time or even most of the time; it's just not doable for me. But maybe even I can manage it for 5 minutes at least.
Incidentally I've been having an appalling time sleeping the past week - I do fall asleep but not until something ridiculous, like 6am. I then have fitful sleep until about
12pm. Reckon it's partly the hot weather which is doing it. Also my skin has started playing up again. It was a problem which developed about
3 years ago, after I'd been on oxycodone and had hell coming off it (even after only being on it for 2 months). My skin became ultra sensitive, as though it were an electrified force field. Proper horrible feeling. Anyway, I've been getting that at night again, albeit in a much milder form but still enough to keep me awake. Reckon duloxetine might have been knocking that particular symtom on the head and now I've stopped it, it's come back >_<.
Okay guys, I've got to rush. Got to get to the supermarket before it closes early on a Sunday :p
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay )
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, diets.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current status: Chronic flare. Do I have any other kind?
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; Entyvio (started 3/11/16)