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Myself 09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 6098
   Posted 5/30/2017 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Mom fell again yesterday and has become more confused. The hospice nurse and the social worker suggested a hospital bed, oxygen, and keeping her comfortable. Not much else we can do at the moment--and we have filed the dnr with the hospital. Actually, Mom filed that before the alzheimer's got bad.

Growing old is not for sissies.

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7180
   Posted 5/30/2017 11:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Myself, I know how you feel, helpless I can imagine.

Johns Mom received a hospital bed last Tuesday. This coming week, John will work on getting her an air mattress, she is so small and arthritis is bad, plus stroke issues; need to PREVENT pressure wounds.

They can happen so quickly.

I send you comfort, peace and strength, also for your Mom.
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1109
   Posted 5/30/2017 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry to hear that.

Do you also know about the Alzheimer's forum on this website?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41934
   Posted 5/31/2017 3:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Myself,

Sorry to hear about your mom. I am sure all the right things are being done for her. I wish you strength and peace. Hang in there, everything happens for a reason.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Myself 09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 6098
   Posted 5/31/2017 9:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, friends. This is a process we all move through with family, and in turn will go through it ourselves,

Mom fell again yesterday and now is confined to bed on oxygen. The hospice nurse thinks she had a mini-stroke Monday, before the first fall. She is also fitted with a catheter.

Comfort and ease.

Thanks for the suggestion, Tim. We were lucky in that Mom is a generally happy person. She doesn't get upset when she is confused or forgets something. When she meets someone she knew before, she smiles at them, pat them in the hand, and says, "I'm sorry-I have forgotten your name." She is just gracious about it. Her memory has declined for a decade now.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41934
   Posted 5/31/2017 9:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Your mom sounds sweet. I know some people get really upset when they can't remember something. I hope I am more like your mom when I get to that stage of life. You are good to her. You will be blessed.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10096
   Posted 6/1/2017 6:36 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry about your mum having alzheimer's, Myself. But holy crap, I'm impressed by how well she's dealing with it. All I usually hear about are personality changes that are invariably for the worse, so it's nice that your mum has managed to retain her good-naturedness.

My dad is 82 now and I dread, dread, dread the thought of him getting alzheimer's. He has little enough impulse control as it is, he goes from calm to screaming in 0-2 seconds. Pure misery for anyone who is in his company at the time.

Best of luck to you and your mum anyway.
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay skull)
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, diets.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current status: Chronic flare. Do I have any other kind?
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; Entyvio (started 3/11/16)

Myself 09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 6098
   Posted 6/1/2017 7:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen. We are incredibly lucky. My aunt, who just died in February,was irascible normally, impatient and head-strong. Old age and dementia was not kind to her--she hated having other people in her business. Luckily--my aunt was my father's sister--and mom's SIL.

I hope, NCOT, that for your sake it doesn't happen, or that someone else deals with it when it does. We have had a lot of scares with Mom in the past five years, which resulted in hospital stays and rehab. Infections, serious influenza, falls,etc. She remains polite and friendly and respectful to everyone. The worst thing that happened is she checked herself out of a rehab facility. I got there that morning-and the nurse said, what time do you intend to leave? Uuuhhhh--wait a minute. What?"Well, she said she was going home today and so we did the paperwork..." Lesson learned--power of attorney and decision making is ours, sayeth the children.

Today, I completed the morning cleaning-wash all the various bits, empty the bag, apply the lotion and ointment. I however, failed in getting her redressed well, and did not manage the diaper at all. I will try again after she has rested some.
Ulcerative Colitis 2003, Fibromyalgia DX 2005, Crohn's 2013, Enteropathic arthritis, 2013. Family History of Fibro--2 out of 3 siblings diagnosed. Started SCD-June 2013. *There are three kinds of people in the world: ones who see the glass as half-full, ones who see the glass as half-empty, and others who see a big crack in the side which is leaking all over their %$#@# foot

JRF007
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2015
Total Posts : 294
   Posted 6/1/2017 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   
You're incredibly strong, Myself. The hardest thing I ever dealt with in my life was watching my mom's health decline (hers was due to cancer). It is not easy to take care of yourself along with someone you love during something so trying. My thoughts are with you and your family.
anxiety/depression/insomnia

20mg lexapro, 50mg vistaril

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41934
   Posted 6/1/2017 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   
JRF007, I don't remember you posting so welcome to the forum from me...

He is right Myself, you are so strong. I wish you continued strength...

Do what you are able to and remember tomorrow is another day.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Myself 09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 6098
   Posted 6/2/2017 10:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Not a good day today. Doctor appointment was as expected--we need to move her to a nursing facility. She needs 24 hour care. The professional type--not loving family type.

Big mess this AM, and I finally have it mostly cleaned up.The following is not for easily grossed out readers.

I was teaching an English class online-and the bed alarm went off. Mom had gotten up--which she cannot and should not do--hooked to oxygen and catheter. She had/was having a bowel movement, and had struggled out of bed, lurching to the bathroom down the hall, dragging hoses after her as well as dripping from the other end. I helped her there, and told her to stay put. I tried to finish my class, for this group does not look kindly on issues of any sort.

Afterwards--I got her back to bed. Mom is a big woman, and has little strength, so I got the worst cleaned up but couldn't get her night dress off or do anything about the sheets, and it was clear further clean up was impossible. Called hospice and an aide came out to help me with the complete clean-up. Sheets, nightgown, tubes, floor, everywhere. It took about an hour. Then I had to bleach everything. She gratefully napped,because that had been too much. Luckily, the washer has a soak, rinse,and extra heavy duty function.

The clean-up doesn't bother me--my family is practical that way. It just becomes very clear we are not equipped for this level of care. And I hate the shame and fear that must be present for Mom.

Be well,all.
Ulcerative Colitis 2003, Fibromyalgia DX 2005, Crohn's 2013, Enteropathic arthritis, 2013. Family History of Fibro--2 out of 3 siblings diagnosed. Started SCD-June 2013. *There are three kinds of people in the world: ones who see the glass as half-full, ones who see the glass as half-empty, and others who see a big crack in the side which is leaking all over their %$#@# foot

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41934
   Posted 6/2/2017 10:51 AM (GMT -7)   
There does come a time when we can only do so much. You are making the right decision to get full time care. I had to do that too and it was hard. I was thinking I should of been able to do it, but then I realized that I can't do everything. It was much easier knowing she was cared for and I could relax.

This will be better all the way around. And you know you did the best that you could.

Hang in there Myself.

Gentle hugs,

Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2474
   Posted 6/2/2017 5:58 PM (GMT -7)   
God bless you- your mother is lucky to have you and the fact that you are able to give this level of care with comfort is amazing to me because I am not cut out for that. I have an elderly mother and I often lay awake at night imagining being in your position and feeling guilty for knowing I would not be able to do it.
Wishing you peace in your decision to accept the fact that she needs professional care and wishing her peace in accepting the change.

NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10096
   Posted 6/3/2017 12:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Like you said: growing old isn't for sissies. But being a carer isn't for sissies either. Don't burn yourself out, Myself, it's a very real danger. At least staff in care homes are paid to do this sort of work (although not nearly enough imo).

Best of luck :/

Myself 09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 6098
   Posted 6/5/2017 6:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Mom was up and alert yesterday. She watched a movie and church service being streamed. She also has an infection from the catheter.

Today, she is lethargic--she has not woken up enough to take her pills, much less eat. My family is very food-motivated. I will try again soon to wake her up.

We hope to have her placed this week.

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2474
   Posted 6/6/2017 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   
UTI's affect the elderly much more intensely
Hope today is a better day
all my best

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 887
   Posted 6/7/2017 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Myself. I'm sending lots of healing thoughts and (((((((hugs)))))))) to you, your mom and your family. You have been through so much and I'm sorry that this stage has been reached for your mom. You are doing the right thing for her, despite you wishing you could handle it on your own. Hopefully this way the time you share with her will be of better quality. Cass

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4428
   Posted 6/8/2017 6:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Myself,

Sorry to hear about your mom...

Hope she will be placed soon.
Hang in there. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way!

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Everett1
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/9/2017 4:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry to hear about you mom......
Hope she will recover soon.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41934
   Posted 6/9/2017 7:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everett1,

Welcome to the depression forum. Feel free to start a thread about yourself or ask questions.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Myself 09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 6098
   Posted 6/14/2017 1:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Update--

Still trying to find a place. Mom is up and down--some days confused but alert, other days she just sleeps heavily. Half of the time, she thinks I am either her mother or my niece. Today is a sleeping day. She woke up briefly when the aide was here for her bath. I was unable to get her to eat lunch, so she drank an Ensure.

So all normal,no change.

F27
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2016
Total Posts : 875
   Posted 6/14/2017 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Ugh, it's so frustrating being caught up in the machine. Dealing with the emotional aspect of a parent's dementia is its own special he11, but when you add the bureaucracy of navigating extended care, the whole thing becomes a coked-up Kafka story.

I wish you strength.

Just think how wonderful that first glass of wine is going to taste after all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed. smile

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7180
   Posted 6/15/2017 10:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Myself,

No shame or guilt.

Today, we do not have multi-generations living in one home, thus not enough people/help to care for elderly, especially in your Moms condition.

I worked in an Alz. facility for years, as a business office manager. Got to know the residents and the families. I would like to share what I learned it may help you, NCOT or someone else.

Alz. in most cases exacerbates the personality of the individual.

Play into the persons reality, do not try and explain what they say is not real. Makes them more combative.

If they are dangerous, they have to be placed in a nursing facility that knows how to deal with aggressive behavior. For their safety and yours.

If a family member has to be placed in a facility, make sure they have a good Alz. unit, VISIT the unit unannounced close to a meal time, dinner is a good choice. This allows you to see the reality. If you are satisfied with this, go back for a full tour and meeting.

If they refuse to let you at least see the dinner room, DO NOT USE THIS FACILITY.

Place your loved one, with in 20min or less from where you life it at all possible. Or convienent to your work place. This will help take the guilt out of visiting. You do not have to visit every day!

When they do not recognize you, but allow you to hold their hand quietly, I believe on some level, they recognize your touch.

I hope this helps.
Peace
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Myself 09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 6098
   Posted 6/17/2017 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, Trina. It can help many to know. We are so lucky that Mom is a gentle and polite soul. Raised in a strict pentecostal church in the south, with nine brothers and sisters--well, treating people nicely is just part of her make-up. Even at her most confused, she has no aggression, only sadness.

My aunt who died earlier this year left some money to Mom--and it will come at the right time for nursing care. She wants to stay home, but honestly, her care is an all-time thing. Hospice schedules three visits a week for bathing and cleaning, and the hospice nurses comes twice a week.

Lots of hallucinations yesterday--plus an escape attempt to "go make dinner." Luckily, the bed alarm worked before she pulled out her catheter.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41934
   Posted 6/17/2017 7:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow Myself, you sure have your hands full. But you will be so blessed for what you do.

Make sure you get a little time for yourself. When one of the hospice people come can you go out for a walk or a bike ride? Just so you have a little down time. Don't forget about you is what I am trying to say.

I had a bath lady come in for my grandmother (adopted mother). Then a lady would come in and play games or sing to her. She really enjoyed that. I even paid an elderly lady to spend time with her to free me up.

I am glad that there was some money left to help out. That is a blessing in itself.

I hope you have a lovely day. Do you still have time for your garden? How is it doing?

Take care Myself...

Gentle hugs,

Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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