Tim Tam said...
I've read several of these situations where the guy, and maybe in some cases the girl, gets depressed for the first time, and wants to end the relationship with his girlfriend.
I finally remembered a couple of things, one being a response I had to someone on this website who said when they became depressed their friends didn't want to socialize with them anymore.
I remember, I responded that when I had an emotional problem at 17, a psychotic episode, that that situation happened to me, also, but that I, too, did not feel comfortable around them anymore.
I mentioned, with the emotional problem, I had become a different person. What I meant by that was, I was no longer the up and comer, with a bright future.
While I had slipped below that level, they had not had an emotional break and were still at the same high level. They were still up and comers with a bright future females.
Being with such a female can perhaps make the male who has had some sort of collapse feel uncomfortable. Perhaps feel under pressure to be as strong as he was, and perhaps the male doesn't feel that is possible, and perhaps feels threatened to be around someone as strong as her girlfriend.
He may want to start over some day with a new girlfriend who is perhaps not as strong as his former girlfriend, someone he can tell from the beginning, I've had depression.
Even one of my male friends, who saw the collapse, I didn't want to maintain the same friendship with afterwards. Two of my male friends who did not see my collapse, and I didn't tell them, we maintained our friendships.
It was both the girlfriend and a male friend who saw the collapse, I didn't want to maintain those friendships.
I was a different person. I wanted to start making a new set of friends who understood my difficulties, for they had problems themselves. My new kind of people.
Thanks for your message, I do see where you're coming from.
My partner and I have always been very
open with our feelings and experiences, and our communication has been very good. I have told him about
times when I have been depressed in my youth and required medical help, and he
opens up to me abut his issues with stress, family and work.
He also knows that I am far from perfect, and I have sometimes needed him to be the strong one when I have been going through bad times. I like to think that we are equals, but I also understand that his depression and medication will be warping hid perception of things.
His reason for ending things was that we argue and upset each other too much, which is simply not true. We have the odd disagreement and sometimes it get emotional, but no more than any other relationship. We have more good times than bad times, but he cannot see that right now.
I hope that by becoming his friend, he will feel safe enough to
open up to me and I can help him in a more practical way.