Mom died early this morning

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Myself 09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 6096
   Posted 7/10/2017 2:06 PM (GMT -7)   
She had not been cogent since Thursday. Lungs and breathing began to fail late last night. She died about 4:30 this morning. She was 89. While it is very sad, it is good also. She got to die at home, which she wanted. She had family caring for her until the end, and we told her we loved her and she had been a good mom. She was bewildered when her body wouldn't work the way she wanted. She couldn't understand what had happened to her. We are planning a memorial service for her 90th birthday.

F27
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2016
Total Posts : 874
   Posted 7/10/2017 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sad for your loss, but happy your mom got to die at home. I'm not a parent, but I know for sure that it made a difference to my dad to know that he was loved and valued as a parent. When he died that was the last gift he gave me: reinforcing the primacy of love.

Lots of hugs, M09.

smile

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41910
   Posted 7/10/2017 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Myself,

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. But as you and F27 both said, she was at home with her loved ones. I think that makes a huge difference with acceptance.

Hang in there, take it easy. Know we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

pitmom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2015
Total Posts : 2180
   Posted 7/10/2017 3:59 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((Myself))))))

Be gentle with yourself. I know this grief. Feel free to e-mail me if you need to.
multiple surgeries for rotator cuff both shoulders with residual chronic impingement syndrome, ulnar nerve transposition, carpal tunnel release, wrist ganglionectomies/denervectomies/tenolysis, multiple herniated discs, tarlov cyst, whiplash, bursitis of hips, tendonitis, torus, 3rd degree shoulder separation, torn labrum, ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors of the uterus

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20044
   Posted 7/10/2017 4:24 PM (GMT -7)   
my deepest of condolences. may peace be with you.

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7174
   Posted 7/12/2017 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Myself, I have so many feelings for you I can not put them in writing.

The fact that you gave your mom what she had wanted, loved at home is such a great gift.

I am sure you will see it come back to you 10 or 20 fold maybe more over your life time.

Be gentle with yourself.

I was with my father and hospice the last 3 days 24/7. didn't sleep the last 38hrs. I am sure you know why. You most likely didn't either.

I was strong for days, then one day I woke up and weeped all day. Didn't really cry, just weeped and sniffled.

Even what I know now, about the horrid abuse, my father did have his good side.

You were blessed with a good Mom, HOLD THE JOY OF HER LIFE CLOSE TO YOUR HEART!

Peace and comfort my friend
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

BlueMoon878
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 7/12/2017 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   
sorry for your loss. never easy to lose a loved one. you seem to have a healthy outlook and a nice plan for a celebration of her life. i wish you the best in your healing.

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2474
   Posted 7/12/2017 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   
sad so sorry for your loss
It is never easy but as you said- circumstances were the best that you could ask for
find peace in that
may you have a beautiful memorial service on her 90th and may she give you a sign that all is well in the better place

NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10085
   Posted 7/13/2017 12:52 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry, M09. My condolences.

I guess at least your mum had the best death possible - much like my grandmother had 20 years earlier. It's all anyone can ask for at the end of their life really :/

Myself 09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 6096
   Posted 7/13/2017 5:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, friends. I am a good bit numb, I believe. There just is a hole. Mom was an organ donor, and about twenty years ago, she realized her organs wouldn't really help anyone. So, she decided to donate her body to medical research. Once the medical schools finish with what they need, her ashes will be returned to us. The family is here. A meeting with a lawyer is scheduled. Bro and SIL plan to buy house. We will sell the antiques--since none of us have need for them, and have to meet with an appraiser regarding my Aunt's furniture anyway.. Anyone want a black walnut carved pump organ? We reserved the church, and called everyone, and have an annotated list of things to do once we get the death certificate. There we are.

The next bit will sound weird. There is a lot of rock in our soil--since we are at the edge of the Appalachians. Many of the rocks I dug out of my garden I spray-painted and stamped vegetable names on with black ink. I also made little totem stones with the names of my family that have died, gardeners all. I placed them near the vegetables they loved. I have been putting flowers at each one all week, and thinking of each being with my Mom. It sounds like the start of a joke--the atheist, the Unitarian, the buddhist/Hindu, and the Methodist all hanging out in the afterlife.

ambling
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 631
   Posted 7/14/2017 7:13 AM (GMT -7)   
That's lovely Myself09. Good for you.
Take care

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41910
   Posted 7/14/2017 8:13 AM (GMT -7)   
I can understand you feeling numb Myself. It does get easier after things settle down. Though it can take time depending on the circumstances.

Know we are all here for you. You will be blessed as I have said before.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7174
   Posted 7/14/2017 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Myself,

The last bit does not sound weird at all.

It is an awesome way to celebrate your Mom's life in a continual way. Bet she would approve.

The numbness will go way in time, sadness, there are steps to grief life all else in life.

Peace and gentle hugs
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 884
   Posted 7/14/2017 6:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Myself, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had the right words to ease your pain. But for whatever it's worth, I agree with the others that you did a wonderful thing by caring for her in her own home. I know that you have suffered a lot of losses. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

Cass

NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10085
   Posted 7/17/2017 5:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Myself 09 said...
Mom was an organ donor, and about twenty years ago, she realized her organs wouldn't really help anyone. So, she decided to donate her body to medical research.


That's a really kind, thoughtful thing to do.

And the other bit - the stuff with the stones - sounded really creative.
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay skull)
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, diets.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current status: Chronic flare. Do I have any other kind?
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; Entyvio (started 3/11/16)
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, December 13, 2017 12:17 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,904,924 posts in 318,807 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 158184 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, CWakes.
349 Guest(s), 13 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
alephnull, JustMrMe, mattamx, Jerry L., tennisplayer, hammer8, Gleason 6, Pambeezbuzz, mike950, MariaMaria, Htownman, Deanna_lc, Kcheves