I can relate to much of what you wrote. Especially, the parts about being single and childless (I am 53) and of modest means. I am warm and approachable but I live on a fixed income (disability) so I can't "lunch, and spa and happy hour" like most women do. I finally started to go back to church. I am outside of my box there because these are people I would normally not connect with. However, that seems to be a blessing in disguise b/c I am well liked and they have welcomed me with open arms, including praying for "healing" of Major Depression.
I divorced ten years ago and I've been single ever since. I don't think I want to venture into the online dating scene but have you tried something like "E-Harmony" or a "Match Maker" service like "It's Just Coffee?" There are surely men who could have written the same thing you did about dating. No easy answers here.
What came to mind while reading your post was "what are your hobbies and interests?" Do you have a dog that you can take to a local dog park? Have you looked for a meetup dot com book club or social club? I found one for animal lovers. Do you like the outdoors? There are usually many "hiking" groups, if you are physically able to do that. Anyway, I would make a left turn and try something new. You sound like a catch for the right person so don't give up.
The problem with many dating sites or the lunch/coffee ones is that they cost $20-$30 a month, which I can't really afford, especially if you combine it with needing the money to actually go on a date. I tried Match.com twice on free trials -- the first time resulted in a date who couldn't wait to get rid of me. The second time, my "free email" was a guy who promised to explain why he wasn't single when we met.
My interests have, by necessity, become very solo. I read a lot of books, watch a lot of films, play video games. I love travel, but can't afford it. Of course, given my profession, I love animals but my job doesn't leave me a lot of energy or desire to do much volunteering with animals. I've tried, but usually couldn't find someone to cover my shift.
Dog parks, again, tend to be pretty couple and family oriented. And my dogs are small, I am reluctant to take them, I've seen a lot of gory accidents resulting from dog encounters in those places.
In terms of my interests, I actually worked in the entertainment industry for awhile, and so I socialized with a lot of that crowd, but the corner of that community I belonged to has drifted apart. Many are married, working in different aspects, and it's not something I'm very connected to any longer. So joining a film society or anything like that doesn't appeal to me. Brings up memories both good and bad.
I tried, a few years ago, to join some tabletop gaming groups but it didn't go very well. Short, boring story there. I like a lot of "geek" things but don't particularly enjoy socializing with the groups it creates. Maybe it's connected to my depression or disappointments, but it is hard to get excited about
the same things as everyone, or really want to discuss or debate books or films. I used to love it! Now, not so much.
I have tried to join some hiking groups, looked around on Facebook and things but the ones here seem deserted. I live in a very outdoorsy state, so I think people have their groups of friends and there's not much chance of getting in a new one? I don't know.
I have a Mini Cooper, and I joined a few Mini clubs -- my sister knew of someone who was a member, and encouraged it, as they supposedly did lunches and British teas and things. I'm a big Anglophile, so that sounded fun. I figured it was a group out of my usual zone. But I haven't been able to attend any events, as they were days I was working, or the events simply cost too much. It turns out most local people who have Minis are couples with lots of disposable income, so it's no big deal to drive to Mt Rushmore as a group or compete in a car show that's $30.00 just to show up to.
Money and time also becomes an issue -- I often have only one day off between long stretches, and that day has to be spent caring for my own animals, doing laundry. etc. My dogs see so little of me right now, and hate where we are living so much, that unless my mom is home with them, I feel bad leaving them. They're older, so they can't do hikes with me. I'm trying to find a balance between work and play, but with so little ways or reasons to play, I find myself just curling up with a book on most days.
I've been invited to the odd church, particularly on holidays, but I'm a fairly fierce atheist these days and it's not a world I can participate in. I envy those that find comfort in it, though.
There seems to be no answers to my problems, honestly. And I get scared of trying to venture too far or try too hard. We thought we might splurge and plan a vacation, and the day we set to book it, my Mini got smacked into and I'm faced with $500+ of repairs. It feels like whatever I set out to do to shake things up and have something to look forward to, I get smacked down hard and furiously.
I'm glad if I sound appealing though, that means a lot. I feel like an alien most days...
Post Edited (ElisabethR) : 9/12/2017 4:04:00 AM (GMT-6)