For the past 6 months I've been in a long distance relationship type thing with the man of my dreams. When I met him he was charming, lovely, confident, sweet, everything I could have ever dreamed of. A few months in, we had 'the talk' about
what we wanted for the future. We haven't met in person yet, but we planned to do so soon. He was very positive, optimistic, and happy. And I was over the moon.
A week after this talk, he suddenly became very withdrawn and distant. I didn't understand what was happening and thought he might not be interested in me anymore. When I asked him, he eventually
opened up to me about
his deepest darkest secret - severe anxiety and what he called 'periods of numbness and deadness'. He said it would change everything, but I didn't understand why he was so pessimistic. I myself have anxiety/OCD/Tourettes and other problems and tried to be a positive advocate for MH related things, and didn't think it was a dealbreaker in any way. So I told him, let's just be positive and continue. So we did, for several more months.
He slowly became more and more distant. He never ever ignored me, but I could tell when he was being distant. He would no longer say sweet things, he never complimented me. Some days he would only send me 1 or 2 word replies. Deep down I was always hurt and thought he stopped liking me, I didn't make the connection between his behaviour
and his anxiety/MH problems.
In July, he had a big really important event that he had been planning for months. The morning it was supposed to happen, he pulled out and didn't go. I was really shocked because I hadn't realised things were so bad for him. Since then, things haven't been the same. He still always spoke to me, but I could tell things were different.
Yesterday, we had a long talk and he told me that he can't do it. He can never be in a relationship with me, or anyone. It's not something sudden, he said he had been thinking about
it for a while. He said that doesn't think there is any hope for us. He told me he is in a constant state of unhappiness, and that when he first approached me 6 months ago he had been having a really 'good' patch and he thought that he had things under control. But he said that slowly he started feeling 'bad' again. And after that incident in July, it was a wake up call for him, and he has reverted back to how he has always been: alone and unhappy.
He always told me that before he met me, he had resigned himself to a life alone but he had a bit of hope that he could meet someone who could changed things for him. Once he met me, he thought I was that someone. But since then, things changed and yesterday he said that he's given up hope. He's tired of looking forward to a possible future where he is 'better', because he doesn't think it will ever happen. He says to be sane he needs to be alone.
I asked him if he thought he had depression, and he said "maybe" but that he didn't really care about
Now it's all clear as day to me, that he is depressed. I didn't realise this at the start. It still doesn't bother me and I would be with him in a heartbeat. But one thing that makes everything difficult is that he insists that professional help will never work for him. He doesn't want to take medication, and he says talking doesn't help him. He says the only way he copes is by bottling everything in and not caring. That's how he gets by in life.
Despite all this, he says he cares for me and will always be there for me. He says he doesn't want me out of his life. No one is life knows about
his problems except me. He says I'm the one person who knows him best in the world, better than his family and closest friends. He says I'm important to him, and that I've made his life better. But he's made it clear that he never wants a relationship, with anyone. He does say if he could be in a relationship with someone it would be me - but he just can't have anyone close to him. Me, I love him and can't imagine being with anyone else. I could remain friends with him but I would always feel pain knowing we can't be together. What can I do?
Sorry this is so long. Maybe as a TL;DR I'll put: TL;DR:
depressed long distance boyfriend says he can't see a future with me (or anyone) and says he will be alone forever. Will not get help for any of his mental health problems.
Post Edited (Zazzy95) : 9/14/2017 12:23:25 PM (GMT-6)