Depressed and alone abroad (Germany)

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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/1/2017 2:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there!

I'm having a difficult time right now. Let me give you some background.

I was in a two years relationship with my girlfriend. We had our disagreements but we where good team. From my career I always wanted to work in Germany as an engineer, so I decided to move to Germany and look for a job, I came to Berlin a cheap city but very rought city. During my first month I maintainted my relationship with my girlfriend, I even make a short visit to America to spend time with her and my family. She felt that she could not handle a long distance relationship, so we ended up and remain friends.

After that month I came to Berlin and continued with my job search, i enroll some sports clubs and language classes to make friends, but I didn't help a lot, I spent my weekends alone, I even tried online dating, but it didn't work. Back in August i found out my ex was dating, but i though it was nothing serious. I was happy for her. So I continue with my job search to get my dream to land a job in Germany as an engineer.

The last 4 months have been very lonely and depressed, I wake up void and with pain in my heart, even anxieties. though the process i manage to make a friend or two and got used to the city. Last week finally I got a job offer in another city, all the sacrificies payed off, but really? I felt so alone, i had no one to share my goal, at that moment all i wanted was a hug, but got none. There is not a day i don't cry. I couldn't call my ex whom has always supported me.

I have this dilema, where i achieved my goal to land a job but I'm all alone, depressed and make up with a heavy heart. If i take this job i would need to move to another city and start all over again, give it a 5 months try, Or i could go back home to my family, friends and even maybe trying to get back to my ex and finally settle there.

I'm too tired of crying, being lonely and anxieties....

What do you think? what would you do in my situation?

Post Edited (Marco Medina) : 10/1/2017 5:44:19 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 632
   Posted 10/1/2017 4:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Marco,

Humans are social creatures, like monkeys. We like to be part of a group. Some people don't mind being on their own, and they are comfortable as a group of one! Others can't last a day without a pack around them.

We get used to things like being in relationships, or having friends and family around.
It's great that you are trying to follow your dream, and it is also hard.

You could hang on and try to make a little group at the new place you are working. But if it is too much for you then go home and rejoin your friends and family.
It is harder for you right now because you have just ended a relationship.
You can do whatever you want smile. It's not easy, so look after yourself

Good luck.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20048
   Posted 10/1/2017 6:47 AM (GMT -7)   
give it a go. ambling gave u some excellent suggestions. keep strong mate. from down under.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7556
   Posted 10/1/2017 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
My personal opinion is that you should take the job and try to hang in there for 6 months. If it's not working at that point, move on, but if you don't try it you will always wonder what might have been.

But my opinion may not be the right one for you. I suggest making pro and con lists regarding each of your options. Be totally honest with yourself. Imagine the absolute best that could happen and the absolute worst, realize that reality is somewhere between those 2 extremes. Do the lists, then go do something else for a couple of days, keeping your mind off the decision.

Then come back to the lists with a rested mind -- whenever I have done this in my life, when I come back to the lists the answer that is right 'for me' always just seems to jump off the page so clearly I'm amazed I didn't see it to start with!

Best wishes!

older guy
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 935
   Posted 10/2/2017 6:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Marco,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so alone!

I have trouble making connections with people. Sometimes I have found myself actively avoiding what could be friendships!

Wherever you decide to land, it sounds like you have the skills to get out and make friends. It is hard at first but you have the skills.

I am sorry to hear of your pain. I too often feel the pain of not having close relationships. I hope you find solutions soon.

You can always post here, whatever your situation and whatever your feelings. It is open 24/7!

Good luck!

bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, upper denture, benign prostate hyperplasia
cymbalta, lamotrigine, zyprexa, klonopin

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 339
   Posted 10/10/2017 6:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Marco,
I always try and visualize in these circumstances how I will feel once I'm back, have greeted everyone and the initial happiness has worn off. Will you regret it? What made you decide to leave in the first place? Will those feelings still be there when you get back? I think you made the tough decision, you just have to give it a shot now
Mild-Mod UC - diagnosed 1995; antiphospholipid syndrome - diagnosed 2014; painful bladder - diagnosed 2003
Meds: Mezavant ; enoxaparin
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