Well, here goes.
I'm glad that I was able to find this support forum online; seems like so many people out there are willing to share experiences, things that help, things that don't, and it's always good to have an outlet for emotions.
So, a little about me :
I am twenty seven years old, will be twenty eight on Saturday (oh boy?) divorced for two years, and am still not over the divorce.
I have been dealing with depression since I was in my early teens, sometimes medicated, more often not. I am currently diagnosed Bipolar-I and am taking Cymbalta, Seroquel and Depakote.
The medication, I believe, is doing all it can at this point.
Right now, the main thing I am having the most trouble dealing with is my divorce. One of the hardest things I had to admit to myself recently was that I am still in love with my ex-wife. A reconciliation, I believe, is completely out of the question. I have contacted her through e-mail and explained how I feel. It's weird, she hasn't shut me down, but she hasn't opened the door, either.
We were together for almost two years before we were married, and married for a year before we were divorced. No children, no mortgage, thank God.
My haunting dilemma now is I wish I would stop loving her, and I wish I could move on with my life.
My occupation as a mobile disc-jockey requires me to be social and tastefully flirtatious with women, some who are interested in dating me. It's so hard to describe, but I feel FROZEN at these moments; it's like my entire personality is sucked away from me and I become this instantaneous blithering moron.
There is a part of me that wants to experience dating again. There is also a part of me that wants to be intimate not only on a physical level but on an emotional level, too; but fear stands in the way.
Anyway, that's all I can think of at the moment. I'm sure I'll be back real soon.
Thanks for listening.